They sound narcissistic as Hell.

Thinking of you and your husband. I couldn't imagine being spoken to like that

was breaking and I needed to talk to someone in person or on the phone. After the call, I went down the street and cried to my neighbors.They listened to me and let me get it out. It's odd about my sister. When she was sick, she spat a cookie at me and threw a can of ginger ale at me. I have been physically, sexually and emotional abused as a child. So this is nothing new to them. I should have known better.

Dear Deb55,

Let them figure out their own problems. I know you want them to give you a tenth of the care and support you’ve given them, but they don’t have it to give. I’m glad your neighbors were there for you as are your DU family

Those who have had experience facing cancer may be able to point you in the direction of a support group as can your Dr. 💗💗💗💗💗.

And come to us anytime!

I wish I had more comforting words to say. What I will say is that I had to cut my toxic family members completely out of my life. I have blocked them from texting and calling. The only communication that takes place is by necessity through email only.

I have a scheduled weekly phone call with one half sister who is such a narcissist she thanks me for checking on her, talks incessantly about herself and never once asks about how I might be doing. I often cancel every other week by email which helps. If I didn't call I'm afraid she might call the sheriff to check on me and I don't want her knowing a thing about me and my life because she is just plain evil.

Something to think about maybe. But I know that you already have so much.

Stay encouraged. You're strong. We love you. ❤️

Last edited Wed May 15, 2024, 10:46 AM - Edit history (1)

Incidentally, my husband also has malignant prostate cancer. He has had it for many months. So far, not much change, although the doctor says he is too old for the usual treatments, at age 81. There are treatments for this, especially for men who are not quite that old. Also, maybe you could ask around and find the best treatments available. Hang in there, even though your family has emotional problems that prevent them from responding appropriately. I also speak from experience here. Since you can see these problems, you must have huge inner strength that will help you stand all this and show your husband the sympathy and help he needs. You can do it! Just do your best.

hateful, despicable conduct. they lost their love. i'm guessing it's constant right wing media content for them, possibly QAnon, but either way, they are a toxic brew and the very last thing you need at the moment. they don't deserve you, and you deserve much, much better, especially a functional support system as you go through a trying time in your life and in your home.

If you can, I think counseling could be really helpful for you at this time. An objective listener who actually cares. Stay in touch with DU as well.

I'm really sorry. what awful people. without love and empathy, how can any two people have a mutually beneficial relationship?

I hope you have friends and neighbors nearby who you can lean on for emotional support. I'm sorry your immediate family is operating with some "loose" screws but never forget your friends here on DU who will always listen and send you what ever support you need. Stay strong and let us know what we can do for you.

I am going to see it I can see my therapist earlier.

We all know who the 'good' and 'kind' people are, and have know that for a long time, you ... and of course yours (your husband).

Be strong, be well, be the better person, and I know that this won't be a big challenge to you, being that you have proven yourself many times to us here on DU. You have bigger issues to fry, taking care of your husband and other numerous issues that will come up in his ongoing issues, care, etc. (and yourself, you need to take a timeout too).

These people (and I know that one of them is your Mom), I had issues w/ my Mom, and I had to cut her off cold turkey. She could be brutal to me and I finally got tired of it. Fortunately, others around me and my significant other were there for me.

Take care and wish your husband well for us.

You and your husband deserve better. Please know there are others of us out here thinking of you. Wish I could give you a big hug.

and unfortunately sometimes that doesn't change. I tried for many years, but in the end I kind of gave up and only called occasionally. Thankfully other family members lived close to her and helped her in the hospice stage, and she was fairly well behaved when I did finally visit (although she was quite nasty to some other family members). There is just not much you can do with some people. If they are determined to be miserable they will be & it's always someone else's fault.

I'm so sorry about your husband's cancer and hoping for the best treatment possible so he can beat it!

We're here for you. This is just the beginning of your husband's treatment process. There will be many ups and downs during this time, and we will be there for you.

happens I won't call you." and I the phone clicked off.

There may be organizations willing to provide support. The oncology medical team made referrals for me. I received months of meals for myself and my husband while I recovered from surgery. When I got overwhelmed, I was referred to a counseling program for cancer patients. This support has been very valuable. I am so sorry that your family is failing you, but we care and so do others in the broader community.

Your chosen family is full of love, kindness, respect, and acceptance.
Hold all that to your heart.
Sending a big hug

This is just so awful that this is going on. My husband has prostate cancer too... and I just hope you get the very best care. His is metastic and didn't have to be, so really hope they are giving you lots of scans and people that know about the latest, greatest treatments, not this "gold standard" stuff that is what we were given advice for. Fortunatley we got a different Dr. and he is very aggressive with how he treats it and for 5 years now mostly undectable. Came back again and once again he got it back to undetectable. Big decisions to make with treatment and I so hope you have good people helping. Tired of people like the ones you described that think it is no big deal, treat it like a big deal and find different opinions to make sure you are doing things right. Best wishes, shocking at first but so many things happening in prostate cancer that you can find hope in treating it. The treatments are stressful on everyone, you don't need these folks making life harder... I hope they change or you just can have some more supportive people around.

please don’t turn to those people for anything, ever again. They have shown you who they are. Believe them.

I'm sorry your husband has prostate cancer, my husband had a scare some years ago. He cut out any protein bars and estrogen food like grapfruit juice which was his fav., it shrunk his prostate in a month. Doctor couldn't believe it, but he didn't have cancer, just enlarged.

I hope your husband gets through this. I hope you know you have support here. And we all are sending healing vibes!

You deserve compassion for the road ahead. Sending you love and hugs.

Some of those sound made up, maybe.

But hearing what your own relatives said, well, maybe most or even just about all of those stories really are true.

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.

I myself had 1rst stage prostate cancer, and it was treated successfully.

I'm quite honestly hopeful for Rich.
It always is really hard to lose close relations, my Mom died 3 years ago, and I still miss her so much.

Take care.

Last edited Mon May 20, 2024, 09:26 PM - Edit history (1)

pimple faced whore" in front of my parents. I was strong and a survivor. I left at 18. I met Rich in September of 1978 and married in June of 1979. He loved me and I him. He was kind to me. He asked me earlier this evening if my family sent him a card . I said no. He was hurt and sad. I can't believe the all the things we both have done for him. that in our time of need is put aside. They used him. And now that he needs a card or flowers , that he is thrown aside. Rich has shown me more love then my parents were capable of ever giving to me. There ARE parents like that. I mine were and are. We are forever bond by a women who refused to seek help and referred to the Bible to say since I and Rich as the proxy , would be treated this way. My son is also in on the game as he is adopted they have always called him the "Bastard" and still do. I will again pray for my husband tonight..We are also blocking our phone from them. I f I came across as snarky I am very sorry. But there are abused children out there. Rich was abused as a child also. Thank you.

My heart breaks for you. You and Rich deserve so much better.

Those bio-relatives are cold-blooded and heartless.

We at DU love you and wish you both peace and healing.

What worthless excuses for people.

Cut. Them. Loose.

and emotional well-being , STAY AWAY FROM YOUR SICK, TWISTED, TOXIC, HATEFUL Family. All they do is cause you pain and soul-crushing grief. You cannot fix them, and they are not going to change. One of the biggest lies and myths perpetrated on us is that of the happy, supportive, loving, ideal family. I know there are, indeed, such families, but I have encountered very few.

Please love and cherish yourself and your Rich, do not waste one minute or one atom if energy on the rest of them.

And KNOW that your DU family is here for both of you.

...to a daughter reeling from horrific health news. I am so sorry. You deserve so much better. Going forward, please insulate and protect yourself from exposure to that kind of negative, hurtful energy. Especially so you can save your strength for yourself and for your husband. She has shown her true self. You are justified to act accordingly.

I am sending love and healing light to you and your husband, and fervently hoping that he responds well to treatment. Hang in there!! We are here, anytime, and we care.

You are entirely too good to share any vibes with them. I’m holding you and husband especially in light. Peaceful healing positive vibes to you.

Been there, done that, went low contact for a long time until I realized where the problems were and was strong enugh to cope with them.

Some people just don't have it in them. If you don't have any other sources for support, the hospital can help, there are usually groups for people who are dealing with a partner's cancer. It's a safe place to talk.

While you're in crisis, birthday and Xmas ards can be it and I don't think anyone sane will fault you for that.

Good luck. There is support out there, just not always where Hallmark tells you it is.