It's difficult to deal with forgiveness and the [ain caused by that kind of mental abuse, so sorry.

I'm grateful I had the therapy and grief counseling when my parents died within a year of eachother...I had an extra year with my father and having to handle his dementia was hard - he could be a real bastard. But thankfully in the end we had nothing but love to send him over.

Mother's Day, Father's Day etc are all bullshit anyway. We either appreciate the people in our lives who care for us or we dont.And we dont have to acknowledge anyone who doesn't deserve it! :hugs:

…than a father.

Best wishes for a more serene future.

Putting yourself in doubt and thinking maybe it was all your fault. Free yourself on this milestone and never look back. ((hugs))

It’s not your fault. Peace to you

...if there isn't that remorse, it isn't forgiveness, it's permission.

I mean, ranting about him on Father's Day - doesn't sound like it.

yup

It’s our right to dismiss anyone from our life who mistreats/abuses us regardless if we share DNA or not. So, good for you and congrats on your progress!

I am with you in that neither parent 'live rent free in my head'. Also like you, I am not seeing the 'forgiving' thing happening. Sure, it is soul -eating. Sure, it can darken anyone'e demeanor and make them sallow and bitter. But, there was just too much manipulation. Too much favoritism. Too much misdirection to get what they wanted.

That is what I am trying to work on. But, this is a deep pit and it is dark... I don't like it but climbing out just feels like betrayal of what I swore to do when I finally was released from the mind games and manipulation.

Ya know?

How can you forgive when it's more than they hurt you? How CAN you forgive when the whole journey was predicated upon they had an unrelenting intention to harass, to browbeat, to injure your self, to demean, and/or to destroy you? Your freakin' parent(s)!!! And you live with them and can't escape.

Some things you can forgive. Some things you can't.