It is an important question.

What would you consider, "proof of accomplishment?" When I was asking these kinds of questions, I considered it an accomplishment to just survive every day.

I cannot argue with that one.

I don't know exactly what might constitute 'proof'. Maybe just evidence that such a thing did happen? To see something palpable?

Back in the day, one thing that I had happen is I had a few students who learned guitar from me. After a time, both of them were much better than I was. Both did not pursue it but both have a great appreciation for music and the instrument. So, that is proof. Both also took the time later on in life to let me know this. That was proof. Now, I know that sounds egotistical. And, it probably is.

But, it would sure go a long way towards helping me see that I have done something in life worthwhile. And, that would help my depression and feelings of failure a lot.

Maybe that is too much. That is why I was curious about hearing other opinions on the thought.

But it’s the small things that can make people around you feel like they count. With a phone interaction just saying thank you and you have been very helpful can make their day, when so many people yell and curse them . The same with fast food, the folks on the front lines customer service are taking a beating, the need kind words a smile and a thank you. You will see how grateful they are to be recognized as human beings also a little coin also helps to show gratitude.

this. This has so much truth in it.

with what keepthesoulalive says - it is these small things that we do when interacting with others that mean so much. And, regretfully, we will never have that Clarence angel at our side to show us the ripple effect of our lives.

As an aside, but related to your post, I loved Piers Anthony's series on the immortals.

to go back to your original post, this came across in an email to me this morning - "Through my thoughts, words, and actions, I have a vital role in bringing peace to earth." It is something I am going to live into. Perhaps it will give you some peace.

The big, important puzzle for you is whether you are, in fact, the waste of skin you feel like at the moment. Since wondering such a thing, as painful as it is, proves that you are still capable of self-awareness and reflection, my vote is no. Since I don't actually get a vote on your opinion of yourself, I'll move on to your second, much smaller puzzle -.which is why should you believe the platitude that you have had, and could continue to have, a positive effect on someone else?

The posters before me put their fingers right on the most obvious way ordinary people can rescue ordinary people from a day so dreadful that they want to quit a job they need badly. Have you ever talked on the phone to a customer service rep and heard their voice change from forced cheery courtesy (with an undercurrent of emotionally bracing for more abuse for the millionth time today) to genuine warmth and relief as you make it clear that you not only do not blame them personally for the cable fixer not showing up but understand that they want to be part of the solution? If not, go ahead and behave that way the next time you talk to a customer service rep, or a fast food cashier at rush hour, and keep doing it until you hear that warmth and relief from one of them. It's a beautiful sound, almost as good as having Angel Second-Class Clarence by your side.

Btw, I like to think I have a positive effect on rude obnoxious service reps by civilly but firmly letting them know that crap won't fly. Does 'em a world of good, I say to myself. A positive effect on an unsympathetic group who are in danger of becoming, um, wastes of skin.

Obviously, there are ways to make an enormous positive difference, like Jimmy Carter or Dolly Parton or Malala Yousafzai. And there are ways to try your damnedest to make a positive difference in a big way that may not (yet) make the big difference you are aiming for (that counts - Go Greta Thunberg). But little things that might mean a LOT to someone else? You probably do those every day, and if you don't you can start any time you feel like it.

But, it is tough to draw another breath when you don't think you have done anything and there is no evidence that you have.

At least, I think.

I did something small for someone once that apparently did make a difference.
It was my freshman year in college, orientation week. We were in the middle of taking placement tests. The tests were voluntary, but why repeat a lot of things we had learned in high school, or AP courses?

It was a beautiful day. I was walking back to my dorm. A girl was walking a bit behind me, crying. Finally, I turned around and asked her what was wrong, and if I could help. She told me that she had just bombed a Latin placement test. I invited her back to my dorm room and gave her coffee. She talked about it. After a while, she felt better.

About a week later, I went to her floor and found her. She was doing okay.

Flash forward to senior year. This girl was a superstar, getting ready to graduate with high honors. Earlier, she had been talking to a group of girls. A couple of them did not like me. They thought I was crazy and weird. She said, "Wait a minute," and told them the story that went back to our first week in school. She defended me. One of my acquaintances repeated this defense to me. I verified that it had happened. I was touched by this story. I had some affirmation that I had done something right at least one time. There are surely some things in your past that are like this incident. You may never find out about them, but I am certain that they are there.

At least you heard that much.

But the good things are still there. Most people never do hear, but they go on.

Most people don't suffer from what I suffer from. Just as it is easy for me to rush to the scene of an accident and render aid while others cannot even look in that direction, some can be 'safe in their own head'. I am not so lucky.

As stated before, I know this may come off as rather shallow and egotistical, but here we are. I still say I do not understand why there is no proof of my ever making a difference unless there was never any 'difference' made. Was everything I did a complete waste of time? Because it sure looks like it. How comforting to know that my life has had zero positive impact on anyone or anything. (I don't have to worry about the negatives... the entire world has no problem reminding me of those at every turn, and it never forgets such things. EVER. Hell, I was reminded of the time I lied to everyone about being bitten by a snake when it was briars that made the holes. I was six at the time. I was reminded of this not long ago. Something that happened over 54 years ago. No one seems to remember the good you did. Just the bad.)

Of course, there is also the simple fact that, in our culture, we seldom hear about 'good news' because those who profess to offer the news want clicks and good news just doesn't get them. That is why we get all the rethug input with little coverage of the Democratic side. They know that both sides will read their crap when it is about the MAGA and their insane leaders.

I apologise for rambling. I am not doing well these days. And, I have no one to talk to about it. I don't want to burden my husband and I have no one else to turn to.