They gave me all sorts of pills, but all they did was put me to sleep. I take antil anxiety medication on difficult days, but others wise, have managed to live this long and had a successful business career,. A few more years off the drugs is not going to make a difference.

Good luck.

That's something I struggle with still. It was a real blow to my ego and self esteem to be labeled as bipolar at 47. Frankly, my attitude, which I readily admit was appalling, was this kind of thing doesn't happen to middle aged guys from the suburbs, the "mentally ill" are the homeless I see when I travel through Detroit or Pontiac or Flint, depressed urban areas. It just doesn't happen, I said to myself, to guys like me that live in a neighborhood of expensive houses and luxury cars and a lot of money. (Not that I'm anything but dirt poor, mind you!)

Except that it does, it happens to people from all walks of life. And it happens, no doubt, to a lot of people in my hometown, they just have the resources to deal with it quietly, and get the best care our medical system can offer. Not like the poor people I see waiting outside the rescue mission in downtown Pontiac every time I go through there coming home from an appt with my psych. or my therapist. Our system is a disgrace when only the rich get adequate care.

But I don't want to give up this lifestyle. I like being able to walk or ride at 3 am and feel totally safe. I like having the choices in stores and restaurants. I like the very nice parks, the enormous public library, the quiet well - kept neighborhoods where people are friendly and accepting to people of all races, ethnic backgrounds, and religions. I just like it here. That is one reason I was mired in so much despair, I thought I had lost it all.

You do need to learn to accept yourself as you are. That was something they stressed at the hospital. And it can be very hard, especially for people with depression who struggle with very low self esteem anyway. I still struggle, some days are better than others.

Like you, I also find my ability to concentrate vastly improved. I'm a paralegal as well, mostly probate and tax law, so accuracy and precision are important. Frankly, over the summer, my work product was an absolute mess, but it's getting better. I am lucky my boss stuck with me, honestly I would have totally understood if he fired me.

I was happy when I found out what I had because I knew what was wrong and got the right medication for it. I actually credit it for helping me get promoted at work: we had to get a bunch of work done at the last minute - something that a "normal" person would have never been able to accomplish.

It was almost like a superpower. However, I did learn that it's not good to have these extreme ups and downs and that it's best to stay on my meds. The rule with bipolar: "what goes up must come down" if you have a high (manic or hypomanic episode) it will be followed by a down (depression).

Check out all the famous people who had/have bipolar disorder or depression:

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=Helpline1&template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=4858

Winston Churchill, Beethoven, Issac Newton, Ted Turner, Tolstoy, Michelangelo, Sinatra - bipolar disorder.

Lincoln (depression or bipolar disorder), Dickens (depression), possible bipolar: Ghandi, JFK, RFK,
Martin Luther King.


Check out this article:
We Need a Bipolar President

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/bipolar-advantage/201108/we-need-bipolar-president

I feel increasingly better about the situation. Upon reflection, I am able to articulate the reasons I was so profoundly destroyed by the entire situation. It's not the diagnosis, to me it also makes perfect sense and explains a lot in my life. It's the way it all went down. I feel entirely victimized by this doctor. I went to her for help, and I feel that I was treated like a dangerous criminal. I was essentially told I would be admitted into a psychiatric facility of some type, and I was given 36 hours to decide which one, no choice in the matter. She was either incompetent or grossly ignorant about what course of treatment would occur at the hospital, or she just lied to me. I was diagnosed in under ten minutes, and given the ultimatum less than 10 minutes later.

I was upset with myself because I didn't have the presence of mind to demand a second opinion. It just dawned on me today that I would never have found a doctor in 36 hours to give a second opinion.

It was a horrible experience, but I believe a lot of good is coming out of it, despite not because of this physician's violation if my trust. The hospital experience was actually invaluable, although I now realize that 80 percent of the work and progress there was correcting the damage done by this doctor.

So much for the Hypocratic Oath.

My son was diagnosed when he was around 7. There was no one on earth more opposed to meds than me - then we tried them. He was good to go with Vyvanse for almost two years, and then we had to switch to another med. It's night and day - yes, the meds have side effects. But without them, he's like another person.