Whatever happens, please take care of yourself 🌺

You got professional advice from her therapist. She told you to leave. Her assessment is that you are not safe. Get your phone, the phone charger. Your meds, and get out. Go to a hotel or to a friend's house or call an abuse hotline for a shelter. If you don't think you can find shelter, bring blankets with you to stay in tge car until morning. Talk to your Dr tomorrow about how to get help. I am worried about you. Having the threat being someone you care about must be so painful, but you save yourself and save your partner from serious regrets that would happen if she were to seriously injure you. Please take care.

For now it's relegated to us in our own separate spaces. I sent a message to her doctor and I'm waiting for a call in the morning I told them that this is out of my wheelhouse and I need more help and I guess I'm going to have to ask my doctor tomorrow too and they'll probably come after us for domestic violence and all the other bullshit and I don't want to involve the police

I hope you can sequester yourself in the house. I understand about calling the police. My dad had a violent psychotic episode and the policeman who came was able to convince him to go peacefully to the hospital. But we were very lucky. I shiver every time I hear a tragic outcome because a family called for help. I can only hope that you can get the support that you and your partner need.

And talk about it, as mentioned above, they have contact info if nothing else. I would call her therapist back, but maybe after your talk to your Dr.

Take care, the answer will come. I hope she can get balanced again soon. Hopefully her Dr knows all the meds she's on and how she's using them. You should know that too given how her episodes are so intense.

She writes down the times that she takes her pain meds and everything else but her normal daily meds are so many that she says there's no way I could possibly keep track of them and basically I couldn't understand it because of my ADHD so whatever

Now that I say that it feels like gaslighting

....fuck....

I keep running through everything and my mind is not helping... Got a headache and my shoulder hurts...but im sick to my stomach realizing that she could've killed me and that's not hyperbole.

I've been checking on her all night, because I am still caretaking a surgery patient..and to make sure she doesn't od or something ( we set up a camera before surgery so I could see her breathing etc) she's dozing but sitting up.

The silence in the house betrays the internal monologue in my head...

My wife's doctor of course is not in the office on Fridays so there's no one to address her meds. And I'm not going to call 911 and get an ambulance to take her to the hospital. This morning she's got a horrible black eye cuz she punched herself good trying to make it look like I did it. She's also doing the whole I'm sorry plus guilt Trip...
She tells me she's doesn't want to upset me I'm leaving her room to go to the toilet or get something out of the kitchen which is ridiculous. And she's also telling me to let her know when I want her gone etc etc.
I'm at the doctor's office waiting for him right now you really can't see much on me my shoulder and back are killing me from being thrown over the back of the chair and on top of the garbage can.

I'm done. I'm mad. I don't want her to be left with nothing I don't want her to go to jail I don't want all of that bad stuff to happen. But at the same time I have to protect myself and my interests so I don't know what the fuck

Nobody can help nobody can do anything