Not very often but I recall having those kind of dream states. Years ago someone told me that you can suggest to yourself as you go to sleep that if you end up in a weird dream and realize it, you can make changes to get out of bad situations in the dream. I used to have some dreams that I suspect had other entities involved and the way I was able to escape the situation in the dream was to yell out "NO!" and then,like trying to rise to the surface of deep water, making my way back to consciousness. I found that sometimes I had to just visualize the escape if I felt trapped otherwise. It usually works, but remembering that you can do that is the trick.

Anyway, I hope that things continue to improve for you, it's been a rough stretch.

woke up at 9am like a "normal day"

I dont remember dreaming the rest of the night. But this also got me thnking about my entire life having memory issues with events, etc...

Reading up on so many articles how not only trauma, but ADHD can effect long term memory srorage and recall. I am realizing this isn't just somethng that is my age (54) but this has been an issue my whole life.

Like if someone asks you where you were in 2010, I can count back and remember my youngest was in 1st grade, but that's math. I know my oldest graduated, but again, that's math...I was 40. Where was I working? were we already moved into the house on that street? who was I dating?
If I can't even remember my own life...how was I even present for my children, or my friends? I have two lifelong friends, and they will even share something from the past (like and ex BF) and I have trouble placing the timeframe...I might remember the person's name and some "gist" of their relationship, but yikes.

I wrote all this down in my journal to ask my therapist. I'm also reading some articles this morning on how both childhood trauma and adhd can make it more difficult to form memory or recall, they can even make memory succeptible to alteration.
Does anyone else have memory issues or am I seriouosly cray-cray?

I am just feeling the sinking in of everything I guess...
Realizing that I'm going to be spending Thanksgiving Christmas and my birthday which is New Year's all by myself for the first time ever and that can be a really great thing and I can make some new traditions for myself but today it just makes me want to cry... and I really miss my mom 🥺

Feeling very wobbly...but still not enough to relapse drinking or seeking another escape.
Just sitting with it.

I let my candles and I'm playing positive vibration music to just soothe My soul through this. And I know this too shall pass it just sucks