I've have several serious relationships with friends and lovers who were bipolar. I don't ever get the real 'high' end of the upie/downie thingie. I'm just flat depressive, if I don't count my blessings and keep an attitude of gratitude. Straight self talk is what rights my ship.

My first impulse is to start in beating my self up emotionally and saying mean things to myself, that I believe the other person thinks. Helps to be self aware and see it coming and stop that shit before it starts.

Absolutely. You never really know what someone else thinks until they open their mouth and tell you. It sounds to me as if you've suffered from an abusive relationship at some point, either with a partner or a parent. I used to do the same sort of thing with the negative self talk. It was a learned behavior instilled in me from the time I was very young. I'm happy to report that I'm much kinder to myself now days.

My husband has been working on that for years now (his mom) and I think it's so helpful to gather the experiences of others.

I'm so glad you've enjoyed some success. It's a terrible obstacle, to have this automatic voice, so ubiquitous in everything you do, every person you meet, every interaction you have telling you that you that you're inadequate, unworthy, incapable, weak, etc., etc., so on.

I'm very happy for you.

Especially if you are not familiar with how mental illnesses work.

Gotta run right now.

to rain.

I've often wondered if I'm bipolar and my son has wondered about himself. Depression has been a part of my life for decades and I am very familiar with the "why am I depressed, I have everything that should make me happy" bit he mentions. I don't know if I can recognize the manic portion in myself but I can talk someones ear off if I've spent a lot of time alone.

I don't self medicate anymore, haven't for years so I guess I've reached some level of steadiness when it comes to mood.

I'm very concerned about my son and at a loss as to what I can do to help beside get completely out of his life at this point. I'd like to talk about it and maybe get some ideas. How can an 'identified problem' (me...he's convinced) help? He's self medicating and very, very depressed and anxious. It seems that every time I think 'things' are leveling out and getting better we have a crash that leaves me on the floor wondering what the hell just happened.

What would be a good place to find out more about bipolar disorder? I'm going to look up his films on youtube...

Thanks for listening and for posting this.