have there been repercussions, or are you just worrying that there will be?
you sounded so positive about your experiences, it is a shame for you to have this kind of furious hindsight.
i know that it is almost like having a police record to have been hospitalized. it both opens doors and closes them. but you do have medical privacy about that. you don't have to reveal it to too many people.

and as far as the pros involved, they know this, but they just can't think that way. their job is to get people better, period, and not let anything get in the way. to not treat someone as you think they ought to be treated out of fear of stigma would be quite wrong.
i don't know why you were "handled" the way you were. do you understand why? maybe you should see if you can find that out if you don't.

We understand that this is what you think and how you feel.

If Deb gave you a phone number to call outside office hours when you really need it, call it.

I appreciate your concern. Really.

I'm fine in that sense. No "crisis" here, came in from cleaning my gutters for a lunch break, that's all.

I' m pissed as Hell, I'm not "manic". I guess I am still entitled to my emotions until they shoot me so full of Haldol and Thorazine that I don't know my own name and I sit in a corner and drool on myself all day and piss my pants.

Sorry, friends and supporters. I know it's getting beyond tedious when I post over and over and over about the same exact thing. Especially when I do it for months on end in posts long enough to be a short story.

Rant off. I guess I find them very cathartic, but that doesn't mean I should inflict them on everyone else ad nauseum.

For the record, yes, I am furious about a lot of things, not just what I feel was done to me. Everything was coming out today, especially bitter memories of my father when I was a kid. Really bitter, in fact. I've shared this before, he was completely gone. When I was under about 8 or 9, I just wanted the kind of dad who would take me out in the back yard and throw a baseball to me. Instead, my father was a really creepy transvestite who would come home, pull all the drapes, go into the bathroom in his suit and tie, and come out a few minutes later in women's negligees, and a bra with enough foam padding to make Dolly Parton look flat chested. Nice thing to subject a young boy to, huh? It's amazing that I'm a normal heterosexual male with no kinky stuff hiding in the closet. Creeped me out when I saw 'Psycho' for the first time, my father was Norman Bates.

Later, of course, after my mother took all of his little kinky playthings out in the backyard, doused it with gasoline and had quite the bonfire, my father's hobby shifted to guns, oh yeah, someone who shouldn't be trusted with pointy scissors bought dozens of rifles and shotguns. And he enjoyed playing target practice on me while telling me I was a piece of shit. No ammo, of course, but he cocked the trigger more than once when I was in his sight.

I'm going to stop tormenting everyone here, and instead write all of this stuff out, probably pages of it, and take it to my weekly therapist appt. on Wednesday. I'll torment her instead, hey, it's her job, and I keep reminding her that I am great job security. This week's adventures alone should give the two of us enough to chew on until about February --- of 2015 .

Finally, yes, I am OK. I worked out first thing this morning, and then came home, cleaned the leaves from my gutters and the big leaf piles in corners from the wind caused by Sandy moving to our east last week. Now going out for a ride, pretty warm here for November in Detroit. Not a weeping mess, not a manic fool. Mad, yes, out of control, my short story post not withstanding, no.

Thanks for bearing with me.

I'm glad you came back and checked in with something a little more on the non-dramatic side. I was going to respond earlier but decided to wait a bit. I'm glad I did.

You've had a bad experience with a doctor, but please remember that most of them aren't like that. I've had a very good doctor and have been his patient for about 10 years now. He's never steered me wrong. That's how most of them are, Dennis. It's just that when you are talking mental health and a doctor does something wrong the results can be, well...dramatic.

Last edited Sun Nov 11, 2012, 11:39 AM - Edit history (1)

And no, I wasn't manic, etc. just emotionally drained and angry.

And no, I was NOT high or drunk, but perhaps in claiming authorship, it might sound better if I say I was.