i'm feeling a little hurt right now

my dad and sister flew out to new york without me yesterday. i know that, at 31, i can't expect my dad to pay my way on vacations now, but we've dropped about 500 bucks on our car over the past six weeks or so with more to come, so our disposable income has been zilch. which meant there was no money for me to even get a plane ticket. the worst part is is that they're actually getting into the city this time, an opportunity that has not been provided to me the last four times we've made the trek out there. it's one of the homes of my heart and it's been years since i've been able to see it.

i have more than just a bit of anger about this, because i know why my dad didn't have the money to take me. i'm feeling like a spoiled brat and that isn't helping the situation, either.

i'm crying crying and wanting to actually yell and scream at someone for the first time in several months. i'm mad about money, i'm mad about being left here and i'm mad that they're making the time to do something they never made the time for all the trips we've made previously. i thought i'd be ok with this, but was i ever wrong.

and there is no one to give me a hug.