I love it. You have discovered that you don't have to be great at something to enjoy it. Some things are just solely about fun and enjoying the moment. That's what kids do, that is what we all need to do sometimes. I'm still working on that in some areas of my life.

Keep it up, Denninmi. The progress you are making in overcoming your crisis is inspiring.

I make art.
We were never allowed to paint, glue, or do anything that made a mess.
Now, I have a spot I can create and make all the disorder I wasn't allow when I was a child.
It soothes my savage soul.

You're never too old to have a happy childhood.

I like the approach you're taking with this.

Yes, I know they're generally for children, but he's just so dang cute!

I love playing with him and listening to the neat sounds he makes. It calms me, in a way, and does take me back to my childhood(had a Furby when they first came out too, in fact I still have it).

Another thing that makes me feel like a kid is watching old cartoons. Animaniacs, Rugrats, basically any cartoon from the 90s takes me back to a time when I was just a child, and had no worries, stress, or problems to deal with.

or would that be furbies?

This sounds wonderful. I'm glad because you sound so genuinely happy. You have, so gone about feeling better, in the 'right' way. You can feel pride in your accomplishments.

Good days and bad days, but this was a good one.

Reflexive to brace for the next let down to pay for your speck of happiness.

When I took my meditation course, the instructor brought up "equanimity" all the time. He was telling us to keep balance within our own emotional centers not to be too ecstatic nor too mopey but to stay balanced and calm.

You can do reparenting exercises in your mind and reprogram some of the damage by picturing yourself being nurtured and cared for as a child by your own inner parent. But you are living it . You are treating your inner child to a nice and fun time.

I collect minitures and old dolls. It must fulfill some childhood desires.

My Dad never liked the mongrel pup my Grandfather gave me, and my parents never taught me to be a good pet guardian to begin with. My Dad wasn't evil, there was just so much family tension due to all the mental illness (Mom, Grandfather) and its consequences. I really felt kind of ripped off though, when later on they started getting these tiny, nasty-tempered little expensive dogs and treating them like gold, when my dog died at 5 from being poisoned by someone running the neighborhood. My Dad always said that mixed breed dogs weren't smart, but pure bred dogs were. Later, when my life went to hell and my folks took control of my life for about a year I lost the two cats I had, never being told where they took them.

I never felt safe enough to have a pet until 2 years ago, afraid something would happen and I'd lose another one. Now my husband and I have this little Border Collie mix we adopted as a puppy from the shelter (I'm always over in the pets group talking about my precious Layla). I wanted a mixed breed from the shelter if I ever got a dog. And she is smart as HELL too! Due to her, I've gotten involved in dog agility, talk about being a kid again! Here's a 48 year old woman chasing this black and white blur around an agility course. We're not very good yet (Layla likes to jump the gun and take off without me, usually to the wrong obstacle, LOL) but we're trying. And she loves it! She is so eager to learn. I also imagine how socially wrong I appear running around in a big field near our home playing "chuck-it" with my fast, active dog. It's just joy though, all the way. She brings such child-like joy to both my husband and I.

Layla:

You are clearly a proud mom. Congrats on the bundle of fur love.

I'm so glad you found each other.

Don't worry about the agility training -- Layla will get you trained really fast to do just what she wants you to do.

My husband has a saying "Dog smarter than people", LOL.

Very spoiled, and he knows exactly what he wants and how to get it.

i eat ice cream for dinner sometimes. i still watch cartoons.

you can still be a kid no matter how old you are.

i have a really hard time convincing the rest of the family that a banana split can be dinner, but shit, it has 2 of the food groups. healthier that a butter burger and fries.

Well, tasted like one, it was a chocolate sugar free protein shake that I blended with 1/2 a banana, 3-4 strawberries, and 3-4 pineapple chunks.

Tasted a LOT like a banana split, actually. Pretty good.

silly gooses

mornin' mo

i don't really recommend it as therapy, but providing a loving connection to my kids meant a loving connection for me. it did heal a lot of wounds. i think this is why many people do it.
they are mostly pretty screwed up, tho, so......

I came from a small emotionally abusive dysfunctional family and wanted a large family.

I won't say I was the most high functioning mom on the block, but the kids all grew up well. Now that I've outlived my role as mommy I have issues I'm working through again, but it's all good.

I do shock my grown kids sometimes when my naughty inner child surfaces. I was so damned good when I was a kid the first time; it's fun to let go of that need to be perfect.

even tho my brother was a real bully, and i had plenty of other issues, i wasn't trapped with just my dad. i had my sisters, and i also had my boxer dog for a while who really took care of me.
my sisters also helped my mom around the house a lot and kept her from crumbling, which she might have done without help.