Anyone here ever NOT be able to get over a lost love?
Especially a dysfunctional one? I totally imprinted on serious abuse and dysfunction growing up.
So here I am again.
What did you do that was most helpful?
I've been stuck for toooooooooo long. Can't get over him. Thoughts and memories of him--the fantasy I had about who he was, that we were together, that I had finally found my partner (I buried a LOT of red flags too, to be honest.)
There's a psychological phenomenon called splitting. That's when you can't reconcile the bad with the good. I'm totally stuck in that. I can't put the memories of what was absolutely AWFUL in the forefront!!!!!!
I just keep triggering on the moments that were like a perfect dream of happiness to me. Including time with his family and his Mom and Dad. It was what I always wished for. Sweet loving people who you could actually talk to, and role models that growing old is not the worst thing that could ever happen.
....and now, I feel OLD. Not a good thing, not from what I learned growing up. Old and out of chances. Alone, abandoned on an ice floe. I'm so afraid of how I'll end up.
Don't want to go into the details of all the growing up stuff. Not necessary. It just hurts and I've been in pain for so long, and I'm having an especially bad night tonight.
Having a love interest (obsession) was ALWAYS my only known method to cope. My only source of feeling any self-esteem, nurturing, affection and connectedness.
Tired of being in pain so much.
Was supposed to meet some friends tonight but sometimes, I get so depressed, I can't get myself in motion. today is one of those days. I'm not going to tell them that I'm too depressed to meet them. I'll have to come up with a lie---my back spazzed out or got a stomach ache or something. They're a pair of good friends, but they don't get what PTSD, anxiety disorder, depression, and all that fall-out from a lifetime of torture means.
(I do have various self-help books, I am starting with a new therapist tomorrow am, before work. I don't have any family or anyone that cares about me, I mean in a deep, bonded sense. I've BEEN working really hard to move on--started going to Al-Anon several times a week for example. It IS helpful, but I'm just struggling tonight. I do have friends, but I don't want to burden them. ...I feel like I've already become a drag--I KNOW I have. I see people roll their eyes, like I have no right to be so sad. I've started begging for people to adopt me on holidays, because I've spent so many alone.)
Thanks for listening. I'm floundering tonight....
= new reply since forum marked as read
Whether the relationship was a semi-disaster or not I think most people have left over feelings when any relationship ends and some days are worse than others.
It sounds like you are doing positive things. Don't beat yourself up for how you feel only what you do about it.
I had to go through this with a new therapist yesterday and wish there was a vulcan mind meld so I didn't have to remember and talk about it or stir up all those conflicting feelings so the therapist could see where I was coming from.
You never know what tomorrow will bring a new friend, a new love. Remember to be a good friend to yourself too, even when you feel like eeyore.
Yeah, I know what you mean about not wanting to go over it all again with the new therapist!!! I hope you get good work done with this new one!
I'm not totally pleased with my current therapist (only been with her a couple months); got several high recommendations for this new one. Will see, and then end with the current one.
it definitely absolutely is like substance addiction.
another more recent book is "How to Get Past Your Break Up...and turn a devastating loss into the best thing that ever happened to you."
Ha 
There's some perspective shifting for you.... 
And one was an abuser and one was an alcoholic, believe me I would pick one of them. My picker is broke. No more pickin' for me. 
grief sucks.
I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.....
