Now comes the difficult part...

I've made some big strides this past month. On new medication that may be helping, seriously losing weight, getting out more and exercising, have projects and hobbies, passed my drivers test, going camping, and doing more socializing. But these are the low hanging fruit so to speak. I've climbed the foothills, or I'm almost done climbing them, now comes the peak itself.

If I'm going to build a real life for myself and solve the CORE issues so that I don't have a relapse as soon as something big hits I'm going to need to face some of my real demons. Going back to school in September I need to throw my all into it. I need to do more than casually socialize with the friends there, at the risk of getting hurt which is always my worry. I need to start to socialize with women, as awkward as it is now. I need to get out of the house at every opportunity. I need to go out WITH people not just by myself, even if it terrifies me. I need to do all these things and more. I know, one step at a time, but I'm very reticent to do these things, it's far more enticing to just pay attention to said low hanging fruit, but I can't afford to do that.

But do I have the emotional strength to do this? I can't honestly say at this point. I certainly hope that I do but it would be a massive lie to say that I feel it in my gut. I do of course draw support and comfort form this forum and others, and I thank every one of you who has helped me and will do so in the future! But I'm going to need a lot of internal motivation to do this, not just well wishes and kind words.

Here's hopping I don't just decided to pop back in my rabbit hole.