I really don't know how they put up with their son so well.. As long as he stays off the crack..

Your kids an adult right?

if there's anything you can do if your daughter is an adult.

My daughter has her issues also. I don't like some of the things she's doing because there is a history of heart disease on her father's side. She eats bad food. Is constantly stressed. Smokes. Sometimes drinks (I wish she wouldn't...she only has one kidney...born that way).

She's 39.

We lost my brother a year ago next month from alcohol. Nothing we could do, although some members of the family tried mightily. Even did an intervention that failed.

He was 40

It's the worst feeling in the world to see someone we love doing bad things to him/herself, and we know there's absolutely nothing we can do to stop them.

I'm so sorry for your pain....

other than be supportive of her efforts to quit and non-judgmental about the fact that she hasn't been able to do so yet. i know that when my husband has tried to stop drinking or smoking in the past, he was really upset afterward because he felt i should have asked him daily how he was doing with it rather than every couple of days.

i wish i had something helpful, good luck to you and your daughter

It's all over all sides of the families. It's a humbling experience for a parent, that's for sure.

I know from experience that the fact is-
Nothing wil change until she is sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Let's hope that day comes sooner than later.
BHN

haul. My grandson appears to finally be actually working at it.

She is 25 y/o.
Living at home, which is good- at least I know she is safe.
Can't stop her from buying her own alcohol- but am glad to hear she wants
to stop drinking,
I KNOW she would feel SOOOOOO much better.
Pray or whatever for us.
BHN

Aware of the physiological/genetic aspects of alcoholism?
If it helps, http://www.lakesidemilam.com/DiseaseOfAddictionExpandedOverview.htm
Best of luck.

rely on and he is finally realizing it. Mom is in and out of the picture. He has straightened out enough so that he has a good job. But what really bothers me is that he is bored without the old friends. That seems to be the lure back in. His mother is helping him a lot with the kids because he is just learning how to live like an adult - taking care of them and the house. I sometimes cook a good meal for them and send it along with her - they eat easy to cook meals for the most part. We forced the parents to put the little boy in pre-school so he at least has someone else in his life. My great granddaughter is learning to be an adult way before she should - takes a lot of responsibility for her brother. Oh, well you can only hope that it will get better. Will add your family to our prayers.

Maybe it is in the *non-doing.*

Simply break down your own barriers and listen without pretending to have all the answers. Be completely open with heart and mind and soul and just listen. Just simply BE present with them is all with no expectations.

Most folks self-medicate because they feel no one can understand their feelings. It's not like they want someone to GIVE THEM the answers...or to actually DO ANYTHING...more often than not - all they really need is for someone to give unconditional love and just listen without an agenda and just be present with them with whatever they are going through. Usually - that's enough.

Pretty simply, actually

Maybe it is in the *non-doing.*

Simply break down your own barriers and listen without pretending to have all the answers. Be completely open with heart and mind and soul and just listen. Just simply BE present with them is all with no expectations.

Most folks self-medicate because they feel no one can understand their feelings. It's not like they want someone to GIVE THEM the answers...or to actually DO ANYTHING...more often than not - all they really need is for someone to give unconditional love and just listen without an agenda and just be present with them with whatever they are going through. Usually - that's enough.

Pretty simple, actually

edited for spelling ~

And I did just what you suggested and I think it went pretty well.
I know she knows it is interfering with her life- that's the good news.
She is VERY intelligent and as one of her doctors once told me:
"The good news is she realizes when something is hurting her and will stop."
She only drank three beers today, so that is progress and I mean to focus on ANY
and EVERY positive thing that happens.
We worked all day together sanding my great-grandmother's wicker chairs.
Good project and keeps her mind off of drinking...
I plan to keep us very busy doing fun and productive stuff.
It's turning out to be a good time for us to talk, heart to heart about "things."
BHN

Last edited Tue Jan 31, 2012, 01:47 PM - Edit history (1)

and it sounds like the two of you are getting closer. Wishing you all the best!

On edit: I just remembered that there is a great website if you are interested in looking for volunteering opportunities:

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

(I entered my zip code and was really surprised to learn how many organizations were in a 15 mile radius from my home!) Passing this along, FYI ~