A family member and childhood friend, my age, passed away.
The memorial service was this Thanksgiving weekend.
Not a suicide, exactly. A work accident about a decade ago disabled him. Previous the accident he was a very physical person. His kids were conceived on, or shortly after, riding motorcycles and ATVs.
Myself, I was competent enough riding a big motorcycle, but I never got laid that way. I never even got a woman to hop onto a bike with me, destinations unknown.
Nice floods, yellow baseball helmet, long-johns red shirt, and blue socks, dude! (I still can't dress right.)
I suppose my friend simply decided to stop paying attention to all the annoying medical things required to keep himself alive after the accident.
A neighbor discovered him dead and alone in his room, slumped over in his wheelchair.
People, including family, tended to leave him alone because he was often angry.
No, life is not fair.
Here on DU I sometimes joke around that I'm going to quit my meds, alienate everyone who loves me, and die homeless on streets
But most mornings I wake up believing this won't be the day.
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And for the loss that his family and other friends have suffered with his death too.
He obviously needed help that he wasn't getting, that maybe he felt he didn't deserve and so didn't reach out for.
And then the spiral downward gets steeper and darker.
Don't let that happen to you, please. Reach for help when/if you need it. Don't let the darkness end your life...
Please be good to yourself as you pass through this awful time of grief...
I've been in that place and I've frequently been guilty of biting the hands of all those who are trying to help me.
One of my abandoned-burned-all-the-bridges-and-threw-a-few-hand-grenades-back-just-to-make-sure long time ago thesis advisors passed away recently.
He never deserved any of my bullshit. But I like to think he remembered me, at least once, as a funny story.
If I'm a story, no matter how wretched, and as long as I have a few people looking out for me whenever I crash and burn, and so long as I take my meds, then I continue survive.
And to survive as a funny story is even better!
It's a gift if you can make people laugh...