aahhh the holidays. whose holidays are gonna suck?
my turkey day will be better than last year, as i am going out for dim sum w some dear friends.
but the ex got the holidays in the divorce. so he is doing the turkey thing w the kids. out of the 5, 2 dont speak to me, one is far away, 1 is a pain in my ass right now.
so, my cooking a turkey wouldnt help at all.
last year ex took them all out xmas eve, had them over for dinner xmas day. by the time they straggled back after 8pm, i was curled up in a ball in bed, and they didnt bother to look for me.
this year i asked the youngest (22yo) to see if i could get a little more parity. i doubt they would exactly repeat all that anyway.
also told her that i would like to see her sister. not sure how true that even is, as i am pretty deeply wounded by the silence, and the bs that has caused it. the kid has some real issues, and imho, therapist help ingrain some delusions in her mind. her memories of her childhood are seriously screwed up. but since she barely excepts how sick she was/is, she cant seem to accept that her brain might have recorded things "wrong".
but i do miss her.
the oldest is just plain lost to me. i mostly have accepted that. the ex did her some real dirt, the true redheaded stepchild. no taking that back. i chose him over her, and the fact that i finally dumped him will not matter.
she was a hard child to raise from jump street. but in her mind she was a little angel.
c'est la vie.
wish the far away child was interested in coming home for a visit, but he is pretty content where he is. we have an itchy but loving relationship. everything i say strikes him as an attack of some sort. trying to figure that out and watch what i say. but.....
maybe next year.
anyway? anyone else care to share their tales of woe?
= new reply since forum marked as read
But a 
is all I can offer.
Depression is hard to overcome when you have no support.
i had a nice lunch w a friend, and made a couple new one meeting his family. it was a good time, but it was only a few hours.
i have a couple other people here- an old friend that rents a room and a 24 yo who suffers from depression and wont get help. he can get his life started. i have tossed him out a few times, but he always comes back. (so far)
but even they are gone today. so it is just me and the critters. which, thank god for critters. if i didnt have my pets, especially my dogs, i am not sure i would have gotten through the last 2 years.
it is getting a little better as the legal bs gets sorted out.
but starting over at my age, 61 now, is tough.
i do intend to tho, if i can. i dont want to get old alone.
have done a little bit of dating, and it has been pretty good. dont quite have my mojo back, but at least now i remember what it is to have one.
but- this is my favorite joke-
dating at my age is tough. men are like parking places. all the good ones are taken and all the available ones are handicapped.
imma keep circling the block, tho. it isnt gonna get any easier if i wait around.
glad you posted.
Been here such a long time and rarely post. I've mostly been alone except for always having a few kitties. They are my only reason for being. I've been a mess since 4-5 yrs old. Wouldn't know a 'happy time" if it hit me in the face. I can't imagine getting much older anyway. I don't know how to do the 'life' stuff. I can love other people. Just not myself. And we know that doesn't work.
You are all such wonderful people. And my heart breaks when I read some of the stories here. But, I am just exhausted. Much too tired to pretend I know how to relate to people. It is what it is. Wish you all the best, Mo. You have the attitude I wish I could have been raised with. My sig says how I feel and how I grew up. No more talk today.
everyone
check in any time.