Mania might feel good for a little while, but it will get you into trouble. I felt so good in my manic episodes that I would entertain the idea that I might be a god. It's a very serious problem.

Take those meds, retrowire.

when the manic kicks in. Time to get the house work done, exercise done, burn some cals.

seeming to embrace it, even while recognizing it's a symptom.

When my ex was manic, she never acknowledged it as a symptom. Indeed, mania was a state she desired.

She complained her meds prevented her from experiencing the confidence it gave her.

Why do you think you hold out the possibility that impulsiveness is a symptom?

everybody is different really.

and yet, the nature of a dx is that there is similarity. Such is human existence, trying to square one experience with the expectations of many others deemed similar.

Only slowly, I came to grasp how it could be that the desire to experience mania overwhelmed my ex's interest, and awareness that taking medication removed the feelings that she actually had come to desire and need.

Medication wasn't an aid, it was the enemy, the thing that took away what she saw as an enhanced state of existance that she enjoyed.

So I have difficulty understanding.,,you see your state as symptomatic, are aware that medication could help with the symptoms, but reject the medication. It's a curious place between "not quite here" and "not quite there".

Well, the difference is, I'm not actively avoiding the meds. I just keep forgetting to take them.

And while I'm self aware of the mania, I'm not exactly enjoying it. It's frightening for me because I know that my symptoms of randomness aren't very healthy for me. I could have hurt myself trying to climb the tree for instance and the action was pointless.

Plus, I'm only one trigger away from the mania taking a dark turn. In which case, obvious bad things happen.

I don't really enjoy my mania unless I'm productive, last night, I was manic but NOT productive, just reckless. And that's no good.

I am forgetful also, and I have forgetten to take my meds too occasionally. That's why my meds are in a place where they are now very difficult to forget. They are on the bathroom counter right next to the water faucet and my orthodontic retainer. Now I don't forget them.

Maybe you could devise a similar system ? I'm NOT scolding you or lecturing you, only trying to be helpful.