Good news! I think my daughter is stabilizing.

We upped her dose of geodon and we are watching closely to guarantee that she eats something when she takes her pills. She has not become violent in several days. Now, she is acting like a normal teenager (I think???). Sometimes it is hard to remember that some of the things she does and says are the perfectly normal part of growing up. Everything is always tinted by her disorder.

Since here manifestations are so different than mine, it has been difficult for me to understand the cues. I am trying and think that I am learning. Why doesn't someone invent a handbook for this???????

I am learning to recognize the signs that she is in her dark times, even if she is not abusive. Her room becomes an absolute mess. Dirty clothes and trash piled everywhere. She also refuses to take care of herself. She may only shower once a week, will not comb her hair and will wear dirty clothes day after day. She also has a chronic constipation problem, which results in uncontrollable diarrhea. We have battled this since she was 4 years old. We do not discuss this with anyone - she is very sensitive and embarrassed about it. When she is cycling, she smells. Bad. She refuses to clean herself up. Many times she ends up with UTIs due to the uncleanliness. When I ask her about it, it always turns into a nasty battle.

I have had a major revelation. Once she is in the middle of a cycle, things are such a mess, she cannot figure out how to fix it herself. Most 12 year olds know how to shower or put their laundry in the wash. But, she cannot do this on her own.

I spent all of last weekend, with her help, cleaning her room and bathroom and washing and sorting her clothes. This week, she settled her stomach on her own - no more accidents. She has put her laundry away every day. And, her bedroom is still spotless.

Maybe I should have known this all along. Maybe I am too hard on myself. But, I think we have had a break through, at least for now.

Positive thoughts that this lasts for at least a little while.