It's how I feel and all I can say.

"It's all about meee...says my self disdain/self hatred.

I have had to pull back from the A & R culture in general (not talking DU or anything) because it was really triggering a lot of self-hatred in me. No one is ever supposed to admit that anywhere, and I don't mean to offend anyone.

I need to post here in Mental Health Support more.

I have had problems all my life.

Some people (such as yours truly) feel too embarrassed to discuss their problems with anyone -- online and otherwise. I once considered writing an article for Good Men Project about a problem I've had for most of my life since I felt it was quite relevant to their website. But I finally decided to not write it -- not because my personal problem was even slightly scandalous, but simply because I felt it was too personal. I repeat, some -- if not many -- people simply are afraid to share their problems on the Internet. I'm sure I'm not the only DU member who happens to fall into this category. As a matter of fact, I know of a formerly active member who discussed his horribly traumatic childhood. Since he had been using the same username at other websites, he ended up being harassed by vicious trolls from Conservative Cave.

Please don't be discouraged. I repeat, you're not alone. You have plenty of company.

You have my sincerest best wishes. Hang in there, my friend!

This is well said. I appreciate it.

it will help to write it. at least that is how it works for me.
it would help if i were more judicious w the send button, but

and yeah, i once had posts here in this group dragged out on local boards by my local caver.
a controversial post i made in gd got me DUmmie of the year a couple years ago.

and my farm woes, omg, they are everywhere.

but fuck them. i dont care.

They have no lives. If they had lives, they would not have the time to sit around and mock DU posters.

I have only visited their sewer a couple of times. It was more than enough.

Stay healthy and strong.

he was draggin that shit to where people actually know me.

i got trolled pretty hard when my farm was in the news for city harassment, and the trolls left an impression. my stature in the urban ag community was def damaged.
people who never walked my farm declared it a dangerous garbage dump.
hell, people who dont even live in chicago infected the local news board.

i havent really recovered from that. i remain under a microscope.

and i dont care what the neighbors think till they start dragging me to court.

but, such is the lot of a pioneer. urban farmers everywhere get this shit.
if they gotta pick on someone, it might as well be me. i can take it, and give as good as i get. maybe i can make the city think twice.

...Sometimes I feel like giving up..
Cause I feel so alone and sad,
That I am so bad...
But here I am glad ..
That I have found
As I look around.
...That I can see
...Many like me
................and I am with others who feel, that they are all alone..

Let's not give up...we are ........NOT ALONE

I tend to only post about emotional struggles when I'm in the midst of intractable pain. Emergency posts...and then I feel guilty for only coming by when I'm the one in need!

lots of people are having trouble in these frightening days.
post here. we are all friends.

Well, thanks for that info! I'll have to check it out. Life-long bipolar here.

I thought it developed after sometime?

I too, am bipolar. The symptoms started to really happen in my 20's, feelings of dread and whatnot, then rare hallucinations.

Throughout adolescence and childhood I did have depression but with reasons and I was withdrawn at times while extroverted at others. Maybe it was always there in a way.

I personally look at bipolar as a chemical imbalance that runs in families.

I believe there are many on this board who aren't quite comfortable talking about it - for any number of reasons.

I've been shamed to the point of being more damage, probably beyond repair, by my own family - my children taught by their father.

There is also the part where I don't want to inflict my sorry self on another soul.

I don't know how one comes back from that.