Tears for my Son.

I don't know if this is the right place for this?

I have cancer. The diagnosis is “unknown primary”. The cancer attacks my skeletal structure, causing tumors to grow on my bones. I am doing quite well, however, and Zometa (the drug I get every 90 days) has caused the cancer cells to stop spreading and the existing tumors to start shrinking.

I am a Veteran, a union member of Operating Engineers, and life long Democrat. Retired on disability and Social Security for now.

I love Democratic Underground, the sane and insane, the good and the bad, CalforniaPeggy, H2Oman, Stinky the Clown, babylonsister, Rudepundit, kpete, a bunch more, and even Skinner for his leadership and foresight for inventing this awesome website.

But this post is not about me really, I have a son, Alex, who's 20 years old and struggling with life so desperately, that I am crying. You see, we argue and last night about 4:00 am I hear anger and banging in his room. He was loosing at some stupid computer game and his reaction is always over the top, inappropriate, immature.

My reaction is to unplug the router and cut him off from the net. This causes the arguments, when I call him on his actions. Most of the time I can handle it. His modus operandi, is to escalate the confrontations until his position becomes “the victim”. Last nights argument, was short, but ended with him telling me “fuck you! I have been thinking of killing myself anyway!”

Last Saturday, I went to the funeral of a young man I had just met, out of respect for his single father. I took both of them, the weekend before the funeral to the r/c helicopter field I fly at. Hoping to get them both interested in the hobby. We had a good time and pleasant trip. I would have never guessed, not in a million years.

The tears that fell this morning are from last night. My son is asleep, and me thinking of the young man I just met, what my son said, my wife, my youngest son, my illness, I need help in getting Alex to accept life and live it. I am scared and writing to D.U. Because I know there are folks here that can help my son. I do not want anything to happen to him. He needs friends, people that accept him as he is.

I'll probably cry off and on, the rest of the day. I am going to call some psychologist that our family knows, but even that is difficult for some reason.

Thanks for reading.