(Because getting "even" comes before deciding what to do with the rest of your life, no?)

And that is his job, to help you regain some kind of balance.

he keeps recommending additions and changes. I suppose of the different medications I've tried this IS the best so far but I'm still no where near well. All I want to do is hide from the world and I've been effectively doing just that most of my 29 years. I suppose my parents make it easy for me to do so as well, allowing me to live off them. But then without their support I think I'd be on the street right now.

Depending on the meds, it can take up to 4 weeks to show you the full benefit.

And it sounds like you'd like a therapist to help you process what is happening. Even if you don't have coverage, there may be resources near you that can be tapped - through a university, a church or community services.

Now may not be the time to add up how much your parents are helping. That's what families are for, anyway. Later on, when you feel better, there will be time for all of that.

If you want some help digging up services in your community, I'll be glad to give it a shot. And this forum can be helpful, too, if you need to unload a little.

Yes I know the time delay with SSRIs. Though my psychiatrist said that now that my body has been primed with the other SSRIs I've been trying that it shouldn't take as long to notice the effect of the new one(s). I've signed up for group therapy through a local place that IS covered. However they will only give you a few one on one sessions then put you into group therapy. I feel I would like more one and one therapy with someone. Thanks for the kind offer but I'll ask my psychiatrist the next time I see him to see if there are any other options as well.

In my case, although I was willing to do group work, I don't think it was very helpful to my set of issues, particularly around the boundary work. In fact, sometimes I think the group work caused more problems than it helped because I didn't have that internal map of what is too close, too distant, too demanding, reasonable, unreasonable and that type of thing. So when the boundary violations rolled in as they always do in groups, I didn't have good strategies to deal with them.

I know what paralyzing anxiety is like. You sound like you might be in a loop of negative/distorted thinking, which comes with the territory and usually makes anxiety and depression worse.

My wish for you is that you could find a good therapist/psychologist who could work with you on some cognitive therapy. Perhaps you or someone close to you could see if there's a psychologist who would consider minimum payments or a sliding scale fee. Even just three or four appointments might be valuable for you.

I do want to recommend a book that I found incredibly helpful. It's called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr. David Burns. It addresses anxiety, depression and fears/phobias with a cognitive therapy approach. It's over 600 pages long, but well worth the read.

some years back by a therapist called "Dying of Embarrassment"

http://www.amazon.com/Dying-Embarrassment-Social-Anxiety-Phobia/dp/1879237237

At that time the therapist refused to see me because I was drinking (I am no longer right now).

when he had no team and I was desperate. It helped.

"Feeling Good" and the companion book "The Feeling Good Handbook" have really helped some people close to me (including myself at one time years ago).

it reset my thinking and gave me some perspective. i can't tell you exactly what i learned while i was in there, but i know that i see things differently now.

good luck to you