Marco Rubio Says You Can Use Parts From Dead Babies, But Only When God Kills ‘Em

A swing and a miss and a fumble


Marco Rubio Says You Can Use Parts From Dead Babies, But Only When God Kills ‘Em


Florida Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Serious Presidential Candidate, Allegedly) is so done being a senator. That’s why he’s stopped showing up for work to vote on legislation, even the bills he says he really cares about. He’s over it, man, and besides, he’s too busy running for president to do his actual job, for which he is paid by the taxpayers, you’re welcome, Rubio. So even though his Senate colleagues are all het up about trying to defund Planned Parenthood (which is not going to happen, as they all know, so they’re just wasting everyone’s time AGAIN), Rubio hasn’t bothered to do his homework on the subject. Also, homework is for dumb loser dorks, not dumb jocks, and he’d rather throw a football at some kid’s face anyway.

So in a recent interview with Iowa station KCCI, Rubio tried to act like he did the reading on Planned Parenthood and how it’s supposedly posting hot baby parts for sale on Craigslist. (It isn’t. True story.) But nope, he did not prepare for the test, so instead, he let a bunch of stupid dribble out of his mouth and down his chin:
And so what I’ve argued is, let’s take the money that Planned Parenthood gets, let’s not cut a penny, and let’s take it from Planned Parenthood, and give it to federally qualified health centers across this country, who provide services to women, women’s health services, but do not provide abortions.

Can Rubio name a specific federally qualified women’s healthcare provider? Nope, but we can! It is called Planned Parenthood, and it services millions of women and their boyfriends every year, with healthcare. Oh, but Rubio only likes the centers that don’t do abortions. Can he name one? Nope, but we can! It is called Planned Parenthood, where abortion is a tiny percentage of what it provides, and many of its clinics — including all the ones in Louisiana, for example — do not even perform abortions at all. So, case settled then? Nope, because Rubio is not done stupiding quite yet.

There is a strong bipartisan consensus in America that taxpayer money should not be used to fund abortion. And in the case of Planned Parenthood, number one, it’s very unclear how all that money’s intermingled, and number two, they have now been exposed for being involved in the trafficking of fetal human tissue, for profit.
Sure, except for number one, there is strong bipartisan consensus that in America that taxpayer money should fund Planned Parenthood. Not just women’s healthcare, although that too (sorry, Jeb, bad news for you), but specifically, Planned motherfrickin’ Parenthood. Specifically.

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