very kind

I’d call legal aid if it’s available , but grandparents usually do have rights to visitation even outside of parental agreements.
Have details of your time with grands to report. Visits, trips together etc to show that you have established relationships with grands.

My parents had to do this when my ex tried to limit them in visits. My parents didn’t even need me to help them and they got everything they went after concerning grandparent’s rights.

In NC, good luck to you



✌🏻

she's clinically crazy, but there's an attorney to fight anything. I've been through the same thing

1) there are many states that grant grandparents rights to visitation, so it depends on the state if the option is statutory or can be argued in court
2) nothing really happens without a court order (or can be enforced if an agreement goes south), so you really need an attorney to make it enforceable.
3) maybe have a sentence or two put into the current order with your son to empower you to visitation?

One might think that mom would be relieved to get some time off once in a while. Is she hostile to the idea of them spending time with you? It won’t be long until where they go and with whom they spend time isn’t up to her anyway.

Absent the ability to work something out informally, then of course these things are matters of state law, and states have wildly different laws concerning divorce and family matters.

Even if a divorce specialist were to read your post, there would be no hope of getting any sort of an answer to your question, absent knowing what state you are in, if the question is whether you have any potential visitation rights.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/grandparent-caretaker-visitation-rights-29548.html

Approximately 20 states have "restrictive" visitation statutes, meaning that generally, only grandparents can get a court order for visitation—and only if the child's parents are divorcing or if one or both parents have died. In a restrictive state, even divorced parents who agree about preventing grandparent visitation have the right to keep the grandparents away.

However, like Washington, many states have more permissive visitation laws that allow courts to consider a visitation request even without the death of a parent or the dissolution of the family, so long as visitation serves the child's best interest. Others allow caretaking adults besides grandparents to petition for visitation. Still, these states usually require that the caretaker have a history of living in the home with the child for a certain period of time in order to be able to file the request.

——

Maybe you live in one of the restrictive states. Maybe you don’t.

Doesn't sound very hopeful. Their birth mother is a bitter and narcissistic woman. Not much chance of getting any willing cooperation from her. And I am sure that my son will not want to spar with her on my behalf to arrange visitation. He's had way too much of her resistance and arguments to everything. And these two teens adore him. Very sad.

Thanks for the info.

The "this house on that weekend" thing doesn't suit teens well anyway. They are quickly going to be the ones in charge of a good bit of their schedule.

As bitter and narcissistic as mom might be, there may be times when she needs her own "me time" and could use someone to look after the kids. Hold your nose and let her know you are available to help.

Doesn't seem right.

the street from them. I see her every day and she will turn 18 in May. Free at last from her awful mom.

I don't know how this fits into your scenario - but think about the idea of easing up on the 'structure' - since these kids are rapidly approaching the time/place where this isn't going to 'fit' very well with them anyway. Consider how you can facilitating personal bonds with the teens - as this is the direction things will be going anyway. These kids will soon be at a stage where (if they want to) there will be very little a 'difficult' mother will be able to do about actually curtailing contact and communication. (you've all got cell phones, right?) If you are a valuable and trusted part of their lives - those kids will make it happen. Are you available (and capable) of casual social 'dates' close to where the teens live? "How about we meet at the mall, the movies, burger at MickeyDs, coffee?" Tell them a 1/2 hour 'meet up' would mean so much to you for catching up. A motivated 15 yr old can find a way to do this. Even more so an 18 yr old - that is more than ready to tell mom to "p*** off" anyway.

The visitation has been so stiff and regimented....but it's true that the older they get, the less mom has control. I could (and have not) go to some of their sports events. I live near the same city bus route that goes by their house, so coming to see me would not be a problem if their mother didn't prevent.

I actually thought about going to see her, telling her that I realize that a single working mother has a heavy load and that I would help out any way she might need me to do so. Probably wouldn't work, but maybe.

Sigh.

But you and the kids may end up doing the 'end run' around the 'difficult one.' And I wouldn't feel the tiniest bit guilty about that - if that's what ends up working.

Get their cell phone numbers. Let them know you and their mom don't always see eye-to-eye, and if you seem to disappear it might not be your fault. Let them know your home is always open to them and ask them to visit you. As soon as they get their licenses, she's not going to have any real control over where they go and who they see.

I also am making small photo albums of their childhood experiences here at my home for them. We did have a marvelous time together as they were growing up.