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question everything

(48,799 posts)
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 05:40 PM Apr 2024

It Was Crazy to Buy My Aging Mother a Puppy. It Was Also Brilliant.

(snip)

Five years ago my sister and I, in a moment of lunacy, bought our mother, the writer Anne Roiphe, a tiny maltipoo in the hopes of assuaging her loneliness in this phase of life. We knew this was a controversial decision. She lived alone. Her mobility was terrible. She could barely walk around her apartment with a cane. How could she take care of a puppy?

My mother, however, was thrilled. Ajax immediately snuggled onto her lap. But he was also an agent of chaos. He chewed her books. He chewed through photo albums. He left half-chewed lamb and turtle toys for her to trip over. He ruined all of her rugs. But what would these last years have been like for my mother without Ajax? We generally condescend to animal love. We underestimate it, dismiss it, place it low on the hierarchy of affections, but maybe this is wrong. Ajax occupies an exalted place in my mother’s household. She is far more attuned to his every fluctuation of mood than I am with, say, my children.

Ajax is feted, petted, spoiled to such an extent that he is more maharajah than dog. My mother picks him up so much that he never learned to jump on or off a bed or sofa; he will not walk up stairs. Instead, he waits patiently for someone to carry him. He barks when she eats because she feeds him directly from her plate, though she denies it. He has an unruly mop of white hair just like her. “Ajax is not really a pet,” she once told me.

He gives her day narrative form. The need to feed him, give him water or worry about whether he is sick or tired or bored structures otherwise dreamy and floating patches of time. She ends the day with the warmth of his furry body next to hers in bed. Being needed or doted on by another creature is grounding.

(snip)

In the hospital, my mother tells a nurse about Ajax. “Like the cleaning product?” The nurse asks. “No, the brave warrior from Greek mythology. He is in the Iliad.”

https://archive.is/tecdd




On Edit: this is not my story, I only copies and posted here because it really warmed my heart.

17 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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It Was Crazy to Buy My Aging Mother a Puppy. It Was Also Brilliant. (Original Post) question everything Apr 2024 OP
Wonderful. They really can be miraculous for the elderly if assistance is available. hlthe2b Apr 2024 #1
They surely both have nearly identicle curly white hair. magicarpet Apr 2024 #2
I always call my babies UpInArms Apr 2024 #3
"Love in a fur coat." 3catwoman3 Apr 2024 #6
Great story! MOMFUDSKI Apr 2024 #4
Awww! Wild blueberry Apr 2024 #5
Wonderful story - thanks for sharing! n/t iluvtennis Apr 2024 #7
This is such a BlueSky3 Apr 2024 #8
Thanks for passing along that story, QE! 70sEraVet Apr 2024 #9
Not to be a downer, MotownPgh Apr 2024 #10
Yes. A Downer. Nanuke Apr 2024 #11
Think about it! birdographer Apr 2024 #12
I have adopted MotownPgh Apr 2024 #13
No... birdographer Apr 2024 #14
I love this. Our pets are everything. onecaliberal Apr 2024 #15
i got my mom a puppy when the dog i talked her into, then left her w, died suddenly. mopinko Apr 2024 #16
Dogs are the cure for many things that ail you. Aussie105 Apr 2024 #17

magicarpet

(16,509 posts)
2. They surely both have nearly identicle curly white hair.
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 05:54 PM
Apr 2024

Just what your Mom needs to keep her pre-occupied and engaged.

UpInArms

(51,797 posts)
3. I always call my babies
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 06:16 PM
Apr 2024

Love in a fur coat … it is difficult to live without love and this story warms my heart.

BlueSky3

(703 posts)
8. This is such a
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 07:14 PM
Apr 2024

beautiful story. I can imagine that they live for each other and add so much meaning to life. Long live Ajax and Mom!

MotownPgh

(359 posts)
10. Not to be a downer,
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 08:06 PM
Apr 2024

But I belong to a caregiver group filled with family caregivers trying to get rid of deceased parents' pets. As an animal lover, I advise everyone to have a plan in place for your pets if something should happen to you. So many of my groups' member are often pet owners themselves and will not take on more.

birdographer

(2,527 posts)
12. Think about it!
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 08:22 PM
Apr 2024

We are 72 and 74. More than anything, I would love to have another puppy--puppies are the best! Just like dogs. We have 3 dogs now, one 10, one 8, one 5. We have no children, no family, no friends. We have left instructions about our pets if we die before them. They cannot live in a shelter cage. If our instructions are followed, one will be rescued by Cavalier Rescue USA and a good home will be found. My #1 worry every day is what about the others if we go first? I think we are ok, I think we will outlive them all. But no puppies unless the owner agrees to take it back if we die first. I wouldn't even trust that. I can't imagine not having a dog, but we will go only with seniors if we are healthy enough to reasonably expect to outlive them. I hope this guy in the story was willing to take the dog when the owner died, if that came first. I shudder every night at 3 a.m. hoping that our dogs live out their lives happily.

MotownPgh

(359 posts)
13. I have adopted
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 08:27 PM
Apr 2024

Only geriatric dogs for over 20 years (the youngest was 9). I tell everyone they come potty trained! But the heartbreak is the same when we lose them. Can you maintain some relationship with a local rescue/humane society to take care of your pets if need be. Leaving $$ for their care, etc?

birdographer

(2,527 posts)
14. No...
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 08:36 PM
Apr 2024

Small southern town. Dogs neglected and badly mistreated, shelter is overrun and overworked. If I offered some stranger $$$ to do this, I would worry they would do us in to get the $$$. The dogs are my biggest concern 24/7. I love these dogs so much. I just have to hope we stick around long enough to see them all off to the rainbow bridge. Seems such an odd thing to want, but they can't live in a cage. I'm not even sure how 2 of them would even do in a new home with new rules and so on. The Cavalier would be fine with any family, but, well, he's a Cavalier ❤️❤️❤️.

mopinko

(71,802 posts)
16. i got my mom a puppy when the dog i talked her into, then left her w, died suddenly.
Mon Apr 8, 2024, 09:47 PM
Apr 2024

it was xmas eve, we let bosco out, and when she didnt come back, went looking, and she was dead on the sidewalk. mom was not big on dogs, didnt want her. but she was neglected by the neighbors. so she caved. they became great friends. she was with her when we had to move out of our longtime home after my dad died.
i went out the next day and found a cocker spaniel puppy. my sisters were livid. mom was about 70, and had just retired do to a couple of heart attacks.
he was too small to come home, and i kept him for 6 mos so she wouldnt have to do all the training.
he was her best buddy for 15 yrs, eating the last bite of every meal she had, greeting her when she came home from her bridge games. rt up til she went into assisted living.
i took him back, and he was my son’s buddy til the end. i didnt drag him along when i went to see her, as he wasnt allowed in her place, and i had a car full of kids when i visited a house full of people. when i finally brought him out 1 xmas, she told me that she thought we were lying to her, and that we’d had him put down.
he was pretty frail by then. 17. she told me it was time to let him go. i wouldnt have picked that moment, but he was her dog.

i dont ever want to b w/o a dog, but i’m not sure i have another puppy in me. current pup has been a heartache. might b time for little dogs.

Aussie105

(6,256 posts)
17. Dogs are the cure for many things that ail you.
Fri Apr 19, 2024, 08:36 AM
Apr 2024

On your own and lonely? Get a dog!

Grieving on the sudden loss of a spouse, or close relative? Get a dog!

Aches and pains? A dog will keep you moving!
Lots of oldies in this part of town that are seen walking their tail waggers regularly. Good for both of them.

Lost the routine structure in your day? A dog will learn to tell the time and get you up to feed him.

Need some loving? Get a dog!

As a human being myself, I have this strong need to care for and nurture other living things.
Cats, dogs, birds. But dogs especially.
Dog owners will know what that feels like.


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