... "Elevator Out of Order" signs.

It's 1988 and all of a sudden, God comes down from the heavens and speaks to Ronald Reagan and East German President Erich Honecker while both are in bed and tells them that the world will end tomorrow.

The next morning, Reagan meets with his top advisers and says:

'I've got good news and bad news. The good news is God exists. The bad news is the world's ending.'

Honecker also addresses his top people the next day and says:

'I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is God exists. The good news is Perestroika's ending.'

Even if they are "false".

Pres. Ford was a collegiate athelete, a golfer, and a fairly accomplished downhill skier. SNL turned him into a stumbling dolt.

There are several "zipper jokes" where the target of the joke can change with every administration. They are usually based upon the idea that the First lady is smart, and the president is only there because of her. It was weird to hear them with the Clinton's because of course he was the Rhode Scholar, but none the less the joke was that he was the dolt.

So it's 1961 and Khrushchev is on a goodwill tour of the bloc. He stops at a small village in Romania to give a speech. He then leaves by car with his driver. Right outside of town, they pass a farmhouse and a pig runs into the road. The driver hits it and kills it. Khrushchev orders him to stop the car and says:

"This is bad. We're supposed to be on a goodwill tour. We can't just leave."

He hands the driver a wad of rubles and says:

"Go up to the farmhouse, explain what happened, and compensate them for the pig and give them something extra for their troubles."

So the driver disappears over a hill and goes to the farmhouse. After 15 minutes he's not back. Then a half-hour and then an hour. Khrushchev's alone in the car and starts to get really worried.

Finally, after 90 minutes, the driver appears over the hill, laden with all sorts of gifts. When he gets back to the car, Khrushchev shouts:

"What the hell is all of this? I told you to compensate them! Explain yourself!"

The driver responds:

"I don't know, sir. All I said was: 'I've got Khrushchev in the car and I killed the pig.'"

Last edited Thu Dec 29, 2011, 03:30 PM - Edit history (1)

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, and Brezhnev are all traveling together by train. All of a sudden, the train stops. Each man then gives a suggestion about how to get it moving.

Lenin says:

'Comrades, let's call a day of compulsory labor and the workers and peasants will come and fix it.'

Stalin says:

'Let's shoot the conductor.'

Khrushchev says:

'Let's move the engine to the caboose and see if that helps.'

Finally, Brezhnev says:

'Let's just pull down the curtains and pretend we're still moving!'

Last edited Thu Dec 29, 2011, 11:08 PM - Edit history (2)

So Putin's asleep in his bed and all of a sudden Stalin's spirit comes to him in a dream. Putin's glad to see him and asks what advice he has for him.

Stalin says:

'You need to do two things. First, you need to shoot all of your political enemies. Then, you need to paint all of the buildings in the Kremlin blue.'

Putin responds:

'Why blue?'

Stalin says:

'See! I knew you wouldn't ask about the first one!'

Putin and Medvedev enter a restaurant. The waiter arrives to take their order.

Putin says: "I'll have the steak."

The waiter asks: "How about the vegetable?"

Putin says: "He'll have the steak, too."

Lionel Mandrake

That was a cruel one .. But fun

Diclotican