'Hidden Horrors': When it Comes to Domestic Violence, the Real Monsters Are Hiding in Plain Sight

(a very difficult, necessary read) Trigger warning


‘Hidden Horrors’: When it Comes to Domestic Violence, the Real Monsters Are Hiding in Plain Sight
6/8/2023 by Michelle Moulton



Safe In Harm’s Way, DomesticShelters.org and Neon launched the ‘Hidden Horrors’ campaign on March 27. (Sam Lauro / Neon)

April was Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Safe In Harm’s Way, DomesticShelters.org and Neon launched a new campaign exposing domestic violence abusers as master manipulators. Since domestic violence perpetrators don’t always fit the “wife-beater” mold, “Hidden Horrors” called attention to how most people have likely been deceived by an abuser at some point in their lives—especially if they haven’t experienced the abuse first-hand. “The abuser isn’t targeting friends or colleagues, they are gearing abuse towards one specific person, and everyone else may experience something completely different,” said Ashley Rumschlag, CEO and president of DomesticShelters.org. “Abusers make great efforts to protect their public perception in order to maintain control over their victim.” By focusing on an abuser’s strategic deception, “We wanted to put a spotlight on the subtle details that are breaks in the façade—a possessive hand, a demeaning expression, strained body language, panicked eyes and darkened windows, said Sam Lauro, group art supervisor at Neon. “It exists right before our eyes, our aim is to make it visible.”

Ms. spoke with Caroline Markel Hammond, CEO of Safe In Harm’s Way, and Sam Lauro to discuss the campaign’s creative process, how to expose the real monsters hiding in plain sight, how to support survivors and how to navigate healing.
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I know my own journey in healing catapulted forward because I built a platform to share my story. I also know that healing isn’t linear. Safe In Harm’s Way describes healing as whatever way that helps someone break the grasp of their abuser. Healing can look like 52 great days in a row and five days where you’re in bed by 4 p.m. as soon as you get off work. That’s still healing. So we talk about healing as a lifelong journey. I had a conversation with a woman who escaped 26 years ago, and her abuser slit her throat in an effort to kill her. She shared she was having the worst day possible and that she couldn’t shake it. If we don’t tell that part of the story, then people who are navigating a really bad day, feel like they’re doing it wrong. So when we describe healing, it is whatever you can do to keep yourself, your children and your pets safe. It’s being intentionally fearless. That’s our hashtag we started with because there will always be fear.

I recently went to dinner with a friend. I walked in and I could feel something. I turned around and the man I escaped from—who threatened to kill me every day when I was homeless and living in my car—was sitting three feet away from me at the bar. I had an opportunity to run, but I thought if I keep running, I will always run. I turned around to the hostess and I said, “I need you to know that that man over there has threatened to kill me and I’ve had restraining orders against him. If he makes one step toward me, I need you to call the police immediately without hesitation. Can you sit me at the back of the bar because I have friends coming.” It’s being intentionally fearless, which is taking every step you can that allows you to feel safe in the world. And on those days when you don’t, allows you the ability to stay at home. All of it is healing.
More resources available:

VictimsVoice: VictimsVoice (https://victimsvoice.app/resources/safe-in-harms-way/) is built for legal admissibility so users can document information that holds up in court, investigators can collect the relevant evidence and the prosecution can build a stronger case. It’s built to meet HIPAA, VAWA, VOCA and FVPSA regulations— ensuring the most strict privacy and security standards are upheld. Contact info@safeinharmsway.org to get the app for FREE.
JoinDeleteMe.com: (https://joindeleteme.com/) This service provides a personal privacy concierge that scrubs your data every quarter and gives you a report that shares where you were removed from, where you were found again and how long it took to do it. Anyone (judges, police, media, news people, survivors) can use this service. If people use the SAFE20 discount code from Safe In Harm’s Way, then it will cost them less than $130 a year.
SeekThenSpeak: (https://seekthenspeak.app/) Safe In Harm’s Way is planning to partner and expand awareness for End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) and VictimsVoice. SeekThenSpeak is a service for sexual assault survivors, and an evidence documentation app, giving survivors power and control over their experience.


https://msmagazine.com/2023/06/08/hidden-horrors-campaign-caroline-hammond-sam-lauro-domestic-violence-abusers/