Still trying to get to know my old man a 173rd Vietnam vet

Last edited Wed Feb 20, 2019, 06:36 AM - Edit history (1)

Reading his journals from two tours in Vietnam. I read them then put them away for awhile then I’ll pick up these journals tablets of paper worn over the years. I know my father and it touches me his words that I read he passed away in 01 car accident it happens, Suffering the fear the battles that they lived in mountains of Vietnam. I’m 52 today not looking for compassion I respect warriors and my old man was a warrior ,I was stupid enough to enlist infantry and go Airborne school jump school in 1984 and assigned 82nd why just to see what it was go big or go home .

My old man our parents our mother as well was a RN nurse. kind of parents we were never hungry we never wanted for anything he worked in steel mill union that is where I get my union pride teamster from. Unions give the workers a fair shake boys he would tell us, but my old man was type if he told you. You have 5 seconds to move your ass then three seconds were already used up and now I understand why he was that way he had suffered from ptsd. He did not know he suffered from ptsd, as a father a airborne infantry vet all Peace time I was always a relaxed father with our daughters and our sons.

When our second daughter was born in 1991 we were in hospital. And my father found Christ and he apologized for the way he was when my brothers and I were young. He said you’re a much better man than I was , I told him it’s ok I never had to live what you lived that would have fucked up my head space and timing also I cannot imagine what you went thru. common thread was infantry airborne wearing fatigues on my father operations against NVA or mine as kid on deployment the jungle fatigues after no shower or bdu fatigue you wreaked of stench piss I always had scent of smell. I hated being unwashed filthy it works me to this day, I keep my finger nails toe nails clipped wash my hands oh shit I’m obsessed joking.

And my ass is as fucked up for years and now I have regrets. I look at our daughters and our sons, for years I was a alcoholic never a mean drunk. But our oldest daughter to our sons at times I’d get done work and drink. And check out on em at times I’d get off go gym with our sons , today eating naltrexone 5 months I’m sober. My point is on this ramble we all suck wind under life’s rucksack.