suicidal thoughts every time I visit.

Started maybe six months ago, and it seems to be their latest thing.

has started up with : "If you are having thoughts of harming yourself . . ." With each extension you dial from there you will hear it again. And again. Any telephone transaction will have you hearing that about 4-5 times before you are through. By the time I get off the phone, I'm thinking about it . . .

I can easily ignore them.

I can see how that can be annoying, though. And with the dreadful VA phone system, reminding you that you can kill yourself is not a good idea.

The people who answer that Crisis Line are NOT mental health care professionals. They are average, every-day people with little or no education in mental health, much less in suicide prevention.

I knew someone who called in to that line one night during a terrible crisis in his world (family issues, unfaithful partner), only to be given some of the most useless, worthless "counseling" in the world. Fortunately, he then called one last person, who called EVERY one of his friends, and we all went to his house immediately to help him work his way through his nightmare.

WHY they allow people with no background in mental health or no training whatsoever in suicide prevention to answer those calls is beyond my comprehension.

whether to give bad advice or none at all, keeping them on hold.

I’ve struggled with the suicide thing since about 2013. I had a serious attempt in 2014, and many other half-assed attempts that I wouldn’t really count since 2014.

My experiences from my time in Iraq and watching people bleed out, it didn’t seem all that bad of a way to go. The guys dying looked peaceful and didn’t really move much. From my major suicide attempt, I learned that hacking up my wrists is painless and easy to do too. Nothing hurt until a few hours later - and then it was just a dull pain, no pain meds or anything needed. Before I passed out from blood loss I felt nauseous, but that was the only discomfort.

So how to do you “cure” a guy like me who has both seen people die that way and who has dabbled in suicide and become comfortable with it? I really have learned the wrong lessons from it all.

I will say that I’ve been coming up with a plan to encourage me to stick around. The end of June is a bad time for me. A lot of bad things happened to me in Iraq at that time as well as my suicide attempt in 2014. I almost always get hospitalized around those dates. Anyways, I made a reservation at a really swanky hotel that has a private swimming pool and other stuff in the room. I’m going to save up a bunch of money and waste it on a couple of prostitutes and party like I never have before (no drugs, I don’t do any of those). It’ll be a great experience and something for me to really look forward to. June 27, 2019 will be the greatest day of my life.

I’m dead serious, that’s my plan.