I am becoming Andy Rooney more and more each day

May he R.I.P. He would be so miserable right now.

I had to change my phone number because I was (it appeared to Verizon) hacked. It has been a series of ordeals.

The most recent hurdle was my Medicare Rx. I called to have my phone number changed so that I would be able to sign in with a verification text. That time, the office was closed, so an automated voice took care of it for me. He said his name was Avery, which amused me, because I know he doesn't even have a mother or father to name him but okay, I rode it out. It seemed impersonal, but painless.

Second time? When the first time didn't work? Office was open. Avery answered the phone. Avery is too casual for me. If you're a robot, sound like a robot. Don't say things like, "No problem," or, "Got it." Then while I'm waiting for a human, after what felt like an eternity of talking to Avery, he suggested I sign up for his app. NO I DON'T WANT YOUR APP. I know how to use your website, I don't want the clutter of apps on my phone, and P.S. AVERY, EVEN IF I HAD THE APP IT WOULDN'T HELP ME AND THAT IS WHY I AM CALLING YOU. I never call anyone anymore if I can get it done online because if I call, I have to talk to "people" like you, AVERY! Avery put me through to a human who said she changed my phone number.

BUT SHE DIDN'T! She lied! So I had to call again today and guess who answered the phone!? AVERY! Who, again, tried to get me to get his app so he wouldn't have to talk to me. Hey, I don't like this any more than you do Avery! Just let me talk to a person!

Then I got through to "Mark," whom I can barely hear because he is sitting in a room full of other people. He has to transfer me to tech support. Really? Just to change a phone number? Okay. Fine. "Joy" fixed the problem. She asked how I liked their automated system. I lost it about Avery. She didn't know there was an Avery. She thought at first that I was complaining about poor Mark. She seemed to appreciate my frustration, but I know they're trained on sounding empathetic. (For all I know, Joy was a robot, too. Hey, I've watched The Good Place! I WISH Janet would have answered the phone!)

We ended up laughing pretty hard about Avery. She said that she would pass on to management that Avery should be fired, STAT.

This is who I've become. Andy, I'm going to see if I can find some old diatribes on YouTube. Je suis Andy Rooney.