How to avoid tons of pilikia (trouble) when a loved one passes. I am filling this book out now for my family; I'm well.

Wait, Don't Die Yet by Annette Kam, a complete guide to all the things nobody wants to think about but everyone needs to before, during and after a loved one passes is a very useful book, also available for free as a pdf. (Because Annette has real aloha spirit. I consider her a friend in real 3D life.)

My family can spend weeks together happily and have, but nobody feels like it's a good idea to ask Mom how she has things organized in her will, or ask my beautiful Auntie what it feels like to be 93, how she thinks about mortality, if she might consider leaving my great Auntie's house, (that went to my Uncle after Great Auntie passed), to family members when she passes?

Because it's none of our damn business* what she does with it, it belongs to her, and she can do with it exactly what she pleases! It just would be so nice if it went to the next generation after me as housing in Honolulu seems impossible for the young folks...but yeah, nobody can ask.

(There's a program here that helps family members talk about these things if they want to through the Mediation Center of the Pacific. Perhaps there is something like it there).

I heartily support finding a good estate attorney.

But also I must suggest reading my friend's book, "Wait, Don't Die Yet" by Annette Kam. She has made it available for free in a downloadable pdf or it's available in bookstores including Planet Bezos (Amazon). Not just who do you want your pet to go to but who is the veterinarian? What do all these keys go to? Is there a safety deposit box, and if so, where is the key? What accounts and loans exist? What are the monthly bills, how do you pay them, what is your email password, bank account numbers...or if there are documents for any investments and accounts putting them in a trust, need to know that they are in the name of the trust so that the assets transfer directly to the beneficiary upon death or incapacity of the owner. Many other things without which
a) peoples' assets are tied up in probate, costing @30-50%+ of the value, and b) upon passing or incapacity of the owner, bills start racking up and they need to be paid while things get sorted out. I want to clear all the landmines for my eventual survivors.


Full of incredibly useful information that has proved invaluable for many.

Here's Annette on our TV news

Longer, recent, just 6 mos ago at a Buddhist temple with slides Annette starts about 20 minutes in. She speaks at Rotary meetings, churches, Hongwanjis, any kine community meetings. ?si=cqXSnZd04e-Zfu4t

I adore her. I bought the book and downloaded the pdf. She is such a lovely and warm person. The best of us. So generous to share this with an open heart, real aloha.

Of course then I think how smart is it to have a book containing all my dang passwords and account numbers in my house

But my plan is to wrap it in brown paper and write something like

HOA Board Meeting Minutes 1998
or
Accounting 101

or ? on the spine

Good luck, aloha!

(I decided to make this an op after Deuxcents found it useful in comments in another thread. I'll crosspost later...probably





*tm Tim Walz