My mother gave me the greatest gift I could ever ask for.

As some of you know, I was on death watch for me ma starting Sunday. My twin aunt/angels went back to ma’s place that night and I stayed. Pulled the loveseat across the room so I could hold her hand. She had been asleep since at least noon when I arrived. At some point, an aid came in to roll her over and woke her up. I pounced!

Listen lady! I got some shit you need to hear! LOL! And I got to tell her how much of a contribution she made into forming the man I am today. How much I loved her…..blah blah blah. Those eyes have been vacant for a long time. A long time. I don’t know if she heard, don’t think she could process it even if she did. But I wasn’t talking to someone in a semi-coma.

Next night the twins decided to stay as it seemed she had rounded second base. And for that I will be forever grateful. My aunts rock!

I had been texting my two stepsisters and stepbrother about the situation and they were all, “tell her this for me” and four paragraphs and “tell her this for me” and five. I was like, “ dude, I’ll tell her whatever you want. You wanna send me ten pages? I’ll read her every word. But I got an idea. You guys call me, I put the phone on speaker, I’ll walk to the other side of the room and you can have the privacy to say whatever you want.”

I got, “Nah, man. just tell her what we said plus this this and this.” Oh. You motherfuckers! Seriously? I’m supposed to read this emotional shit to her after I did mine last night? You guys suck! And I’m busting your balls for this, like, forever! But I did it. I wanted her to hear it. But it was emotionally brutal. Had I not taken off my velvet jacket, I’d have ruined it with saltwater, you dig?

Anyway, it was getting really late and the one aunt laid down for a nap. Then the other. Finally it was my turn. I had gotten three hours sleep the night before after an outpouring of my feelings, words, love, etc. And I was emotionally battered by what I had to read to her. I was out! 90 minutes later, my aunt wakes me up. “I think we’re there.” A minute later she has to rip the blanket off me because I’m physically and emotionally drained. Okay! I’m up man! And she was gone. And my other aunt said, “you’ve run your race and it’s over.” And the tears are welling, lip quivering, knot in my throat…..and my mom goes, “huh.” and goes back to breathing heavy. And I’m needing toothpicks to hold my eyelids open like a Tom n Jerry cartoon.

Well…uhm….hahaha…I decided I’m going back to bed. I’m just exhausted. And I lay down, hahahaha, and pull the blanket back up. I’m SURE my aunts are like, WTF? What is he thinking?” Rightfully so. But my inner dialogue starts up….

“Dude! What are you you doing! She dies once! You gotta get up! Get up, get up, GET UP! And I did. And forty minutes later, same thing. I’m sitting on the bed leaning across her, holding her hand, my aunts on each side of her. I said, “ladies? I think we’re there.” Again with the lip quivering, wet eyes, and horrible knot in the throat. She takes a deep breath and keeps on truckin.And I’m like, “are you kidding me mom? Really?” LOL!

Twenty five minutes later, she died. And one of my aunts said it. And I was all, “Bullshit! Fool me twice shame on you! I ain’t falling for this again! I’m going to go get the nurse and a stethoscope!” LOL! And I did. And she had passed. But after the first two false starts, my emotional reaction was along the lines of, “finally! Jesus Christ!”

And if you had known her, you’d understand that reaction. She was always, always, always late. And now, she’s late to her own demise. Because of course she is! 🤣🤣🤣

But back to the gift. I’d like to think it was intentional. I’d like to think she was pulling the Bill Murray/Zombieland gag on us. Probably not true. Regardless, the first two false starts took all of the pain, all of the tears…..all of the sting out of her passing for us. Instead of an overwhelming grief and sadness, I was filled with joy that she was finally freed from this brutal, inhumane disease. I didn’t cry when I talked to Mrs. Glam 15 minutes later. I was happy as she was finally free. (Not that I haven’t been losing my shit and sobbing multiple times a day, because I have.)

She was able to turn her passing into something that was funny and par for course to the way she lived. I will forever be grateful to her for this gift. Damn, I wish I could tell her…