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usonian

(13,836 posts)
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 03:36 PM Apr 2023

How to feel less lonely as you get older

https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-feel-less-lonely-as-work-and-family-quieten-down-later-in-life

Many older adults find themselves feeling more isolated than they did at earlier points in their lives. Often, grown-up children have moved elsewhere. One or more close family members or friends may have passed away. For many, retirement has ended the days of hustling off to a workplace full of colleagues.

Do you, too, feel a sense of being less connected than you were before? Perhaps you wake up some mornings wondering what to do with your day, feeling unmotivated to go out into the world. Or you find yourself tearfully looking at old photos and longing for days past. You may even feel forgotten by loved ones, or frustrated with them for not calling or visiting. If you can relate to these or similar experiences, you might be struggling with the very common experience of loneliness.

This Guide is intended to instil in older adults – particularly those who are in their 60s or older – the idea that, although loneliness may not be a welcome experience, it is something that you can cope with if you do experience it. To start, it’s useful to differentiate loneliness from the physical states of living alone or being alone, although they sometimes go together. Loneliness is a subjective experience, one that can be described as a form of suffering due to the sense that your social needs are not being met.

For older adults, experiences such as the loss of loved ones or the end of certain routines may contribute to the risk of loneliness. While estimates of its prevalence among older adults vary across the world, surveys suggest that up to about a third of older people in the United States are experiencing loneliness; those who are unpaid caregivers, have a low income, or identify as LGBTQ are at increased risk.


Well, that's cheerful.
Here's the cheat-sheet. (a single jpeg)

Cheerful point: I find myself looking tearfully at new photos. They're so damn good, and look forward to newer ones! See you in the photo group ... now and then.
Classical music helps a lot. In recent times, my sight-reading improved a lot (who says you can't learn as you get older?) and it's a kick to be able to attempt pieces I never thought I could earlier on.

CIAO!
Mazeltov!
Mabuhay!
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MuseRider

(34,369 posts)
2. It is a real problem.
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 04:10 PM
Apr 2023

I have recently started feeling really lonely. I will read through this and keep those points. All my friends were wrapped up into a couple of things I was deeply involved in my entire life. I had to quit for health reasons and now here I am. I am OK but certainly not happy or having much fun.

yobrault1

(155 posts)
12. I have noticed that online communities like this one can help
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 05:34 PM
Apr 2023

you stay connected, for instance, I was distraught over the state of US politics since 2015 until 2021 and DU is the place I came for civility, connection, and straightforwardness in terms of the outlook, the community and overall perspective. I now believe that this community is wonderful because people can share their hopes and dreams, their fears, their health concerns, money concerns, they can share anything here, and there will always be somebody that is kind and thoughtful that reaches out to them, if I can be that for you, I’m more than happy to do so, feel free to message me anytime. ~kb

LakeArenal

(29,804 posts)
3. We take Spanish in a group of bad Spanish speakers.
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 04:24 PM
Apr 2023

After the newbies fears of looking stupid pass, it’s really fun, hilarious and we are all learning. Some more than others.


PuraVida!


Edit to add: I got very heavy into local politics too.

wryter2000

(47,460 posts)
4. I sang in a church choir and in high school choirs
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 04:41 PM
Apr 2023

But stopped after high school. Just no demand for my singing. About 5 years ago I was recruited into my choir at church. We are a highly-respected music program, so I was flabbergasted to be asked to join. I don't read music much, but I practice with Youtube at home and stand next to our paid section leader during services. My voice is improving, and I'm learning composers like Pouolenc, Faure, Hassler, and Bairstow. Plus, we're a close-knit group. it's been an excellent experience.

I'm 74 now. You can definitely learn new things when you're older.

doc03

(36,705 posts)
5. If you are retired you have to keep moving. If you start hanging out with the old
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 04:50 PM
Apr 2023

folks at McDonalds you can get in a rut and end up there every day. Get out and join a gym and do group
activities like spinning or zumba. Today 30 of us retires. the youngest 64 did a 30 mile bike ride, had lunch and couple brews
when we finished. I like to travel I may go to the Canadian Rockies this year on tour. The only trouble with group tours is other
people seem to delight in making you uncomfortable if you are by yourself. I am kind of a loner so I enjoy alone time to.

Bernardo de La Paz

(50,917 posts)
10. Canadian Rockies are highly recommended, as is a train trip through.
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 05:15 PM
Apr 2023

Banff, Jasper, Lake Louise, Canmore, lots to see.

 

oldsoftie

(13,538 posts)
15. You're exactly right. We MUST keep moving!!
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 06:36 PM
Apr 2023

Obviously there are reasons for some that it jus tint possible, but for the rest of us movement is SO important.

Easterncedar

(3,524 posts)
6. Newly retired, loving it.
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 04:54 PM
Apr 2023

Divorced and widowed, not lonely. I picked up trash today at Baxter State Park. Feels good to contribute.

slightlv

(4,332 posts)
7. I see myself more and more in this.
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 05:04 PM
Apr 2023

I was deeply invested at work. Type A personality. Forced out of work because of my Fibromyalgia and Lupus. I still find myself being angry and bitter because of it. Especially because 100% of what I did at work was on WiFi, which I could have done at home but had no one who would stand up for me after my direct supervisor retired. I just wasn't ready to quit work. I -loved- what I did, and I was good at it. My guys overseas were grateful for my help and the way I'd go the extra mile for them. (sigh)

So, here I am at home. I've tried to find remote work, but most of it is in cybersecurity and I have no desire to do it. And sorting out the scams from the real work is nearly impossible anymore. Plus, the only thing I'm really interested in doing IRL I fear I can't do because of my physical weakness. Haven't given up the idea completely, and now that Spring is here, I may actually gain the courage to go to the Human Society and see if they have anything I can volunteer to do. I figure if I can walk my 120 pound dog, there must be something I can do! (LOL) I weigh 93 pounds, myself.

I do so miss the comradery of my friends from work. Lately, one of my friends from around the corner where I live, who also has Fibro, meets up with me and we walk my dog together. It's good exercise for both of us and we're a check on each other both for loneliness and for physical condition. While I'm prone to falling, she's prone to seizures. We're both prone to boredom, so when we're not dog walking, we check in on each other via FB or texting to make sure the other is OK.

But I have to admit, I have one really good friend I'm a bit disappointed in. I know she's mad busy at work, and I try to keep that in mind. But I go for weeks without hearing from her. I got her the job when she was riffed from her old one, and we worked together for over a decade. Best of times. I love her dearly, and I do so miss hearing from her. I don't think she knows how much it would mean to me if she'd just detour three blocks on her way home to just stop by long enough to say hi and give me a hug. But I don't feel I have a right to bring it up. How do you handle something like this without sounding needy and manipulative? (sigh)

On the good side of things, I have a needy grandson who stops by when he's in a bad way sometimes... like he did last night. Although I was in a bad flare and in bed, it's what I needed. It's good to be needed, even if you're feeling bad! And I got my grandson to where he was calmed down enough he slept all night with us, and even checked with me this morning to see if I wanted to go garage saleing this morning with him. Alas, the Flare from hell hadn't left me yet so I had to say "no"... drat! But it was nice to have options for once.

Siwsan

(27,287 posts)
8. My four fur babies are GREAT company
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 05:04 PM
Apr 2023

They keep me active AND make me laugh. I'm glad they found me.

joshdawg

(2,713 posts)
11. Personally, I am never lonely.
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 05:32 PM
Apr 2023

I've been alone a few hundred thousand times, but never lonely.
Now for the record I'm 78 years young and widowed.
I have about 4500 books, about 4000 cds and dvds, six cats and one dog. So, no, I am never lonely.
To add to the discussion, I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone, but not lonely.
I have no need for loneliness, but that is just me.
Hope everyone who posted to have a good day. I know I will.

cornball 24

(1,508 posts)
13. I am a widow and 81. Mentally and emotionally, I am still 17. I lost my husband a year
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 06:13 PM
Apr 2023

and a half ago. He was my second husband and a truly good man, unlike the first husband and father of my children. I volunteer, socialize, live in a large over 55 community and am fortunate to have family close by. I am not isolated. However, I miss the comfort and the quiet love that I had with my husband. This is something that cannot be measured but will always be treasured. There are no activities, etc. that can ever satisfy that part of my life. This I know! I shall continue to tap into that 17 year old persona and see where it takes me.

Marthe48

(19,023 posts)
14. I've lived alone since 2017
Sat Apr 29, 2023, 06:34 PM
Apr 2023

I missed my husband, but I think that's different from feeling lonely. I was always sort of solitary, so while I missed my husband, I wasn't lonesome. I made some choices, and living alone is one of those choices. Does that make it easier? Maybe knowing I'm the boss of it does help. I cook most of my meals from scratch, and put effort into my food plan. My last cat has revealed her personality since she become an only cat, and she keeps me busy with her expectations Before I get out of bed, I go over things I need or want to do and have a sort of plan to use up the day.

Before Covid, my kids and I got in the habit of texting in the morning. I knew they were worried about me, and it was easy to start saying hi. When the Covid shutdown started, I asked a couple of relatives and friends if they wanted to join in a morning text and we all thought it was a terrific idea. We've continued. For whatever reason, my friends and relatives in the morning cirlce are single. We keep it upbeat and short.

I've got local friends I stay in touch with. My daughter and her family live locally, and if they don't need help with the kids, they might ask me to help with the dogs. I've been a member of DU for 22 years, and being here is a big help. I feel like I got friends here that would meet for a cup of coffee

I started collecting when I was 8, and when my husband and I married, he got interested, too, so we spent over 40 years in a terrific hobby. I had time to think about things, and last year started a booth in a vintage mall. So I'm physically involved in something I've loved. On DU and on fb, I've found antique and collecting groups, and I really enjoy reading and contributing to discussions.

I'm active in my neighborhood and friendly with several of the families. I watch dogs, cats and chickens if I'm asked.

With all of this, it is still very easy for me to isolate myself. I'm glad all of my friends and relatives have a similar outlook We understand each other.



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