It is to laugh - You might be a Magat if...

You Might Be A Magat if...

You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
More than one living relative is named after a southern Civil War
general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports
event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You think the best way to keep things cold is to leave 'em in the
shade.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size
bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front
ones.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking
Institute".
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food
groups.
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all
time.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet "Ms. Right".
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those
Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the
car.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You call your boss "Buddy" on a regular basis.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the
House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush
it."
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting
on shoes (You have them), a jacket, and grabbing a flashlight.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the
South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be a pair of overalls, a plaid
flannel shirt, and thermal underwear.
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left
arm below the shirt sleeve.
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball
hat.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
Your biggest ambition in life is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one
what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that isn't.
Your "huntin' dawg" cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere green, Ford blue, and Primer Gray are the
primary colors.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack" reminds you to pull up your
jeans.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your
home town.
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in
the truck.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car on purpose.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the
wheels off.
You think potted meat on a saltine is a hors d'oeuvre.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling
The State trooper to "kiss my ass".
Directions to your house include: "turn off the paved road".
You honestly believe women are turned on by animal noises and
seductive tongue gestures.
You've ever hollered: "Rock the house Bubba" during a piano recital.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the
Bandit was snubbed for best motion picture.
You prominently display a gift in your house that you bought at
Graceland.
You consider Outdoor Life deep reading.
Your mother keeps a spit-cup on the ironing board
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
The most common phrase you hear at a family reunion is: "What are you
looking at shithead.
You think Campho-phenique is a miracle drug.
You father encourages you to quit school when Larry announces an
opening in the lube rack.
You think Volvo is a part of the female anatomy.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You had a toothpick in your mouth when you had your wedding picture
taken.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have a "Hefty bag" for a passenger side window on your car.
Your house doesn't have any curtains- but your truck does.
You consider your license plate "personalized" because your father
made it.
After making love, you have to ask your date to roll down the window.
You have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnnie Cash over your
fireplace.
You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house.
Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else.
You have ever bar-be-qued hamburgers at the driver-in theater.
You liked the velvet picture of Elvis that someone in a van sold you
beside the highway better than anything you saw at an art show or
museum.
You own more than three shirts with cut-off sleeves.
You have ever driven down the road with your seat belt hanging out of
the door making sparks.
You have ever spray-painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Someone asks to see your ID, and you show them your belt buckle.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels is on your list of most admired people.
You see no need to stop at a rest stop if you have an empty milk jug
in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have ever had to scratch your sister or girlfriend's name out of
the message "For a good time, call _______."
Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
Your dad walks to school with you because you're both in the same
grade.
You view the next family reunion as a great chance to meet a woman.
Your wife has a beer gut, and you think it's attractive.
You have ever signed a petition to have the national anthem changed to
Free Bird."
You call your boss "Dude."
You have ever been fired from a construction job because of your
appearance.
You need one more hole punched in your card before you get a freebie
at the "House of Tattoos."
You get an estimate from the barber before he cuts your hair.
You look like Willie Nelson after you get your hair cut.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've ever worn a cowboy hat to church.
You have sunglasses that are mirrored on the inside.
You think BMW are the call letters for a radio station.
You wear a belt buckle that weighs more than three pounds.
You've ever been to a funeral or wedding where there were more pickup
trucks than cars.
Your all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball Run."
You have any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed."
Your girlfriend thinks the way you pick your nose is cute.
You wish your house looked like the one on the beginning of "Beverly
Hillbillies" or "Green Acres."
Your favorite actors are Gomer Pile, Goober, and Barney Fife.
Your pet parrot knows how to whistle the song to "the Andy Griffith
Show."
You have a gun rack on your bicycle.
Lawn ornamentation means a Chevy and a Buick.
You have ever used lard in bed.
You have ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
You think the primary color of your car is Bondo.
You think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your family tree is a straight line.
Your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.
You have a family reunion by watching America's Most Wanted.
You think they have to notify next of kin by visiting the state pen.