Monday Today is International Town Crier's Day. Also known as Lindsey Graham every day.

In the middle of a press conference during which he insists President Biden must step aside for health reasons, Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell freezes up yet again due to a formaldehyde deficiency and has to be wheeled off on a dolly.

Tuesday The conservative Supreme Court justices celebrate the end of their wrecking-ball session by getting together at John Roberts' summer place to play a few rounds of Stare Decisis Jenga. The first one to cause everything to collapse into a pile of smoldering fascist rubble wins. (Sam Alito abstains, as he and his wife consider the forces of gravity demonic.)
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Also Wednesday: the James Webb space telescope gives us our first glimpse of the creator of the universe.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene undergoes emergency surgery after accidentally getting a verified fact stuck in her skull cavity. Ironically, the removal procedure is performed by a Jewish doctor with a laser.

Wednesday The Mortgage Bankers Association releases its "mortgage purchase applications index." As usual, half of the applicants signed where they should've initialed, and initialed where they should've signed, and it's such a mess that all the bankers give up and go out for martinis.

In the middle of a press conference during which he insists President Biden must step aside because his brain isn’t functioning properly, House Speaker Mike Johnson starts speaking in tongues and then launches into a tirade about how all the gays and abortion doctors need to be fed to the kraken WHICH TOTALLY EXISTS!!!

Thursday Democrats in Congress work to get more Americans health care, help Ukraine defeat Russia, fight domestic terrorism, protect women's abortion rights, raise the minimum wage, lower gas prices, and make it easier to vote. Republicans try to get fewer Americans health care, help Russia defeat Ukraine, encourage domestic terrorism, lower the minimum wage, keep gas prices high so they can blame it on Democrats, and make it harder to vote. Today’s top story in The New York Times: why aren’t Democrats doing enough to help real Americans?

Friday The University of Michigan Consumer Sentiment Index is released. America's mood registers an uptick from "inflamed" to "toaster strudel." (It's a weird index.)

For yet another week, the only one to make good on a promise of delivering change to the planet is the climate.