Heard this one tonight from a vet....

A teacher gave her 5th grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff. Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Little Johnny was left.

(Yes, it's one of those)

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Iraq, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, her service automatic, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife until the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral of this story?"

"Don't fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."