..."I'll do anal for another $200!"

RESIST

I've been telling this joke since LBJ when I was a preteen, but here goes.

Donald Trump goes into a psychiatrist's office with a parrot on his head. The psychiatrist asks "What can I do for you?"

The parrot says "Hey doc, can you get this wart off of my ass?"

Of course, Dolt45 is pretty much a wart anyway. Also, a personal rule of thumb for me is that ANY doctor in a joke MUST be a psychiatrist, even if it's about getting roids removed.

As always, Donald Trump is an idiot and an ass hat.

#notmypresident

RESIST

mechanical problems. The pilot grabs a parachute and jumps out. There are two parachutes left.

Trump grabs one and jumps out. Merkel says to the little bouy "you take the chute for i have had a long life and it is your turn to change the world in your long life to come - you take the last parachute". The little boy replies "that's okay. Trump took my knapsack".

One's a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a zeppelin...

There’s a bunch of ways to tell it, but always at the end Trump asks the ghost of Abraham Lincoln how to become an immortal president, and Lincoln tells him to go see a play.

It's kind of long anyway.

The end that's funny as hell to me

“I bail out portable toilets by hand.”

“I thought you were President Trump’s press secretary.”

“There’s a difference?”

Recognized at the White House. "If I'd wanted to see a horse's ass, I would have come in second place."

LOVE that one!

Because Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

He grows taller.

Donald Trump's tie.

Donald Trump!

Nothing! (It was a trick question)

Last edited Fri Apr 24, 2020, 04:48 PM - Edit history (1)

after all, an illegal worker has been living on top of his head for the past 25 years.

They both barely cover an asshole.

Bozo the Clown has real hair on his head.

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.

Trump has never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

Nothing..they're both full of crap.

He should sue whoever did that to his face.

Because they go all the way to Russia.

A baboon's ass and Donald Trump!

The letter "F"

(Trump)..He did promise "America First"

Because it's the only place where he isn't the dumbest person in the room.

Trump 2020!

Because when he won, he moved into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

He's a
- Liar
- Narcissist
- Racist
- Tax cheat
- Draft-dodger
- Deadbeat
- Russian agent
- Rapist

Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol.

One is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought,
while the other shows up when it rains.

20 years for treason & 20 years for obstruction of justice

He answered: "Wait a minute, they get a day too?"

(Albert Brooks)

"It is a little ironic that the Miss USA Beauty Pageant was overseen by one of the ugliest souls on the planet"

(John Oliver)

which means his head is up his ass.

He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.

Let's turn America's nukes over to a bad-tempered asshole with no knowledge of foreign policy?
What could go wrong?"

Stephen King

(I guess I'll have to try if no one else does in the next couple of days; but my memory isn't that good, so I'll probably not do it too well)

"You can't just go and replace generals when you feel like it, Donald J. Trump.
They're not campaign managers, or wives."

One is an obnoxious creature that waddles around all day squawking, while the other is a type of bird.

Nothing! (It was a trick question)

There's this Downfall parody video I made which I think is pretty funny.

And welcome to DU!

Perhaps if he injected alphabet soup into his body he might start forming coherent sentences.

A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets.

"Did I look good?" Trump asked.

"I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."

Knock Knock.....

Who is there

Banana, Knock knock....

WHO IS THERE??!

Banana, KNOCK KNOCK....

ARGH WHO IS THERE

ORANGE COMRADE happy I didn't say Banana?

A baboon's ass is better looking.

A) Three chins.

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama.