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KS Toronado

(18,692 posts)
Fri Jul 28, 2023, 02:48 AM Jul 2023

The cheating spouse

A man comes home from work early one afternoon, and to his surprise, finds his wife in bed with another man. To retain his honor he grabs two pistols from above the mantel and tells the man, “If you want my wife that much, you need to be willing to die for her. I challenge you to a duel.”

The other man accepts the challenge. They go into another room and close the door. Then the husband whispers to the other man:

“Actually, nobody needs to get hurt. Let’s shoot into the air, and pretend we’re both dead. We’ll see who my wife runs to first, and find out which one of us she loves more.”

So they both shoot into the air and lay down on the floor. The wife bursts into the room, sees the men lying on the floor, and shouts over her shoulder:

“Honey, you can come out now – they’re both dead!”

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The cheating spouse (Original Post) KS Toronado Jul 2023 OP
Ouch. 😂 Duncanpup Jul 2023 #1
Another joke in the same vein Marthe48 Jul 2023 #2
That one was worthy of it's own post in Humor. KS Toronado Jul 2023 #3
Thank you Marthe48 Jul 2023 #4

Marthe48

(18,381 posts)
2. Another joke in the same vein
Sat Jul 29, 2023, 08:23 AM
Jul 2023

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

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