Depression

Am I a realist
Or just a dreamer in a nightmare
Perpetual darkness
No sunlight
An endless winter
No warmth, only bitter cold

Does anyone love me?
Does anyone truly care
If I were gone from this earth
Buried in the grave
Or never having lived
On this harsh planet?

Can I love anyone?
Have I ever cared?
Is this world my universe
Where everyone is ignored
As I slumber in my easy chair
In the prison of my basement?

Why is there no sun
To brighten my day?
Why is there no music
Except funeral dirges?
Why is there no art
But black streaks and gray?

The water beneath the bridge
Is rock solid and impenetrable
When you leap from a hundred feet above
And smash into pieces from the fall

When the pain of dying exceeds the pain of living
And living is unbearable, the cruelty is great
The cruelty seems to be the reason
For having been born

So am I a realist
Or just a defeatist
Unbalanced in the darkness
Without optimism
No counterweight
To my depression?