Last edited Sat Mar 7, 2026, 03:57 AM - Edit history (1)

That is a snapshot of Ol’jfz9580m’s work desk I took yesterday for posting here.

I write these for myself alone.

I laugh at my own jokes so I have finally returned to my native state of if not solipsism, a state where a few lapses into vaguely menacing noises aside (an undertone throughout), “performing” for an audience of only one as is the norm for Ol’jfz9580m. That one being Ol’ jfz9580m. I must say I derive a certain satisfaction in the Biblical oratory style. A book mom and I loved, Georgette Heyer’s “Blunt Instrument” had a very funny character PC Glass, a rigid policeman who would speak in this manner.

It is an emergency. I would never willingly share these very private things. It would have confounded mom. But these are for the web and for EarlG/elad, as I could not have expressed myself alone. And I must as this is not a joke. I would hate to lose my anonymity because I would hate to lose my anonymity.

Going forward I shall refer to myself in third person as Ol’ jfz9580m in satirical non homage to Ol’ Orlick from Charles Dickens’ “Great Expectations”.

My mom and I used to find a particular line from the book very funny: “You was favored and Ol’ Orlick was bullied and beat”. You would have to read the book to get why it is absurd.

To quote P. G. Wodehouse, another favorite of my mom and I, “to make it clear to the meanest intelligence”, Ol’ Orlick was not a meek victim. He was some sort of dim-witted thug. Hence, clearly an affinity of Ol’jfz9580m.

I suppose much like Winston from 1984, I write these for a distant future I will never see. I have no descendants either, a couple of nieces I am very fond of aside. So Ol’jfz9580m has to communicate to the distant future about what life was like.

In that image, future human from 2568, in the corner you can see a sheet of 10 mg cetzine tablets, some tinsel that my 200 mg and 100 mg Modafinil tablets were wrapped in (I should clean my desk at some point), a cake of soap proving that I do have an understanding of hygiene whatever asparagus may be cast my way on that head possibly occasionally with some legitimacy (I have been preoccupied! There is a doctor who recommends never showering fwiw? No. Oh well..), and my medical marijuana prescription that contains both THC and CBD.

It is a nice snapshot of human existence in India in these troubled times as I owe the people whose produce of bonafide utility I relied on in this difficult time.

I am indebted to a small local pharmacy for these, since the local mental health services have been unhelpful or worse. They have been known to us for over 20 years and Modafinil is a safe enough medication that they do not insist on a prescription. My life would have been far harder without Modafinil.

I am very grateful to my ayurvedic doctor and my medical marijuana company for my marijuana presciption as well. It has helped me quit alcohol which I really should avoid given how much cancer there is in my family.

There is no data I am willing to share for medical or any research now or wrt the last 14.5 years. It was not always the case. It is today. I found out last week about Blackstone Inc and am preparing for conflict on all fronts.

The Texas cadaver scandal is one I noted with interest. Toronto shutting down Sidewalks Lab was also a relevant news story.

A third news story that is perhaps most relevant involves the Serum Institute of India throwing a draconian retaliatory lawsuit at a volunteer who dared complain and sue them for a modest sum of 5 lakhs. In a society with good critical thinking skills that would be construed by no one as an attack on vaccines, but rather on the type of human who thrives in this world as it accelerates to hell disregarding collateral damage and they bully and scam their way ahead. SIL filed a 100 crore lawsuit or something ridiculous as a form of serious intimidation. That is one side of India. A small but significant one.

And as someone who does not grasp notions like kayfabe, if I formally place criminal liability on the table for some things I have seen, it is neither insanity nor theatre. I have no use for theatre and I have seen more than enough.
One person is already dead - my mom. And I lost 14.5 years of my life. The only things in my life or those of anyone connected to me ever that could be used extortionately are depicted there. Tata keeps flashing 0000F5D7 on my screen and malicious scoundrels of the worst kinds -male and female have flooded my street between 2021 and the present as I grieved over the loss of my mom.

And as I push this scourge back, as someone who has no intention of spending even a day in prison and is not fool enough to risk such things, this is based on a serious pragmatic calculation.

I would not be writing this were it an ordinary situation. The rest of what I write is for a future I hope exists some day.

A parasitic private equity company called Blackstone Inc has been buying up some of the already fairly sleazy local hospitals since 2023. The doctors here are always good - physical health doctors anyway. My oncologist is a gem of a man. Overworked but then it is easier to overpopulate earth and force parasitic bullshit jobs offering no serious goods or services as a form of “GDP Growth”, than to train highly skilled doctors with expertise and experience.

My mom’s oncology nurse was also very competent (and overworked and as nurses typically are, underpaid). Blackstone Inc however does well. Hence, the title of the post.

As someone who will never work in anything but publicly funded science and is a complaint forced to use the web as a Citizen scientist would, I have no reason to lie and I will not any further. The last 14 years have taken a real toll on me and my family and friends and doctors and colleagues at various points.

The forces affecting our lives are hidden and indirect and chaos and confusion make it hard to identify precisely every culprit. But I do speculate about some.

For some reason I have had pastor Marian Budde in mind as I write this.

I am nominally Hindu, the doctor, the ceo of my medical marijuana company, my pharmacist at a small mom and pop local pharmacy, its owner etc are Hindu, Muslim, Christian etc.
They are all Indian men and very decent and kind men.

There are few Jewish people or Sikhs in these parts or I am sure they would have been an important part of my real life here as well.

As we say in these parts, “Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Isai milkar Janagan gaate hain” (though I can’t remember offhand where that is from..Ol’jfz9580m has always had a lousy memory. Mainly thanks to never have trained attention and memory early on. Ol’ jfz9580m’s metacognition works somewhat differently than some people’s).

There are four books I purchased with poor grace from one of those ugly giants displayed there - each significant in its own way. I would have preferred a small bookseller, but those do not exist anymore online anyway.
As this mad rush for the most parasitic forms of growth prevails, that can be expected.

My residence however is very much my own as is the street outside and the sky above. We have lived on this piece of land for over a 150 years. That is not that long. But it is long enough.

The title of the post derives from one of the books pictured, Samuel Miller MacDonald’s “Progress”. It is a good book and I like Sam.

But I disagree with the problem he identified. Firstly it is never possible to identify one concept alone (as he has done) for such a mess. But were I to pick one, I would choose Adam Becker’s allusion to “the limits to growth” as closer. In the rest of this, I will make a simple set of rhetorical arguments based on genuine pragmatism for why I do not buy this and clarify (not that tacky Stanford optogenetics rubbish - those people are idiots) why I back my own worldview over this pointless drivel I was forced to endure.

Future human, except to the dumbest people anywhere, do I seem like someone who wants to do podcasts or educate etc? With rare exceptions, I have no idea what drives any of these guys and I have realized it is futile to try. The slender array of archetypes and stereotypes in use by such baffle me, left, right and centre. Btw I mostly just considered the web a way to waste time when stuck at work, with rare utilities off and on. Now I wonder if even those are worth it at this rate.

I have been plagued as most people are these days (whether they are aware or not - I was not 14 years ago) by something directly insidious.

While it is not any one thing, parasitism (with cruelty, bullying, misrepresentation, coercion, intimidation and slander as needed to support parasitism and by large crowds of truly endlessly clueless humans who to this day do not get it) is a far bigger issue than any in my own life as well as society broadly.
Earth and its animals who do not vote and are not cute companions have faced the brunt of this parasitism in 200 years of industrialization. That the euphemistically titles “ventilation shutdown” - a moral abomination that most veterinarians disgracefully back -refers to “efficient culling” of animals by burning them alive after factory farming them in cages too small to allow even the most meagre amounts of comfort tells one a lot about the zeitgeist of this society.

In such a landscape war and poverty are expected not surprising and sports style blame allotment and chess moves cannot change that. I feel rather Biblical these days..Not like a theocrat. But as a human who cannot conceal their disapproval any further or indulge in meaningless twaddle and drivel.

I have no positive things to say of my state however. This is shameless all around.

To be continued..

Last edited Sat Mar 7, 2026, 10:19 AM - Edit history (1)

I want to be clear on something here. This was hell and torture. It made me unemployable by forcing something worthless. Whatever it is, I will not allow it and you will figure out how to decouple me from this and I will not pull back even one complaint. Not even if Yasha Levine said I should.
You are not a child. You all knew what you were doing. I already have had to forgive two super annoying labs in the US.

I know she was old and past her sell by date, but I was fond of my mom.

It is not a good idea to encourage economies like these. It is not that I am sneering at influencing etc.
14 years after I first told these people I want nothing to do with this, nothing has changed my mind and to me my mom was as important as other people’s families are to them.

This was so parasitic and somehow I am less sympathetic to women who participated in this. I cannot tell with this dim-witted male contingent how these assholes think.
I am not flexing muscle as a joke.

I am going to the police and if I didn’t you would bully me and after having been tortured by this, next I would..lol..be one of these assholes that is next going to shill this?

No and I am a terrible liar. And I am not crazy. This was greed, malpractice and stupidity. At any point between 2011 and now you could have not gone around saying I am a bot and crazy.

As is I am working overtime to soothe this in ways that will only affect those who should do hard time for this.
I cannot huge we thing. You are welcome to pit your million people mob or not.

You can save yourselves or continue with histrionics about team work and cooperation and no. Don’t try to tell me this was not torture and exploitation with no use case.

If..if I could cover for you, I would. I cannot. I had to keep roleplaying this dumbass woman to not pretend that this was sleazy, creepy..

This is not how humans think. It is not relevant what your face is like (that ass Kosinski), what noisy sledgehammers you use, what emojis, fart sprays, these disgraceful lie and emotion detectors like that Aaron Elkins and

I cannot do anything about people who become suicidal etc after doing all this. Don’t do all this. Unemployment is better than participation in something that is undemocratic and where you had to know..

I know how women who are not sleazy or stupid think and well okay if you are married to one of these male zealots shilling this trash.
Okay I will admit it..My last mentor’s wife was the only woman in this I had any sympathy for. Maybe she buys into this trash too..good god.

But this is blind zealotry.

Here is what I am saying. It is not all that bullshit that woman Haugen etc shill.

Look Yan Lecun would never look me in the eye and say that for most people, with the kind of education common everywhere, except maybe in Germany (that is in this instance not a Nazi reference

If you are a pot using guy, different deal from being some girlboss mom who calls everyone an addict after barging into their spaces.
Yes data should be treated as the Texas Cadaver scandal.

I am not a luddite. Except the destruction of information and muddying with deepfakes etc sold as metaphoric vaccine to cover the rears of these creeps into infinity..
There is no “we”. There is using pot when you don’t even drive and there is pretending to care.
I harm reduce. I don’t need the validation of people who are this dishonest, pettily clerical and

Look you will figure it out. But I refuse to be scapegoated if you suffer the consequences of your own actions. We all do and my time is up and I never did anything this cruel and shitty and there is a time..
You may lose your job. If this goes on you will go to prison.
I cannot help it that you are sleazy and unsympathetic.. That is karma.

I can only vouch for people I trust and engaged with. This sort of collectivism is the cancer.
I would be giving you bad intel if I dialed this down and as Matt Stoller put it ignore human nature.

I have been in this parasitic hell for 14 years. The way to pushback against polemicists and bad actors is not by justifying and continuing to force this.

It will keep going lower and lower and more and more desperate. You had no reason to shill all this.

The actual real labor nor recreation I sign up for or enjoy works with this.
So I am going to the police..the shit on my street was the last straw.

I am not going to extort or go and suck up. I don’t talk to the people in this and I won’t. It is not my problem. But for the few people or things I do care about I extend olive branches to people who were never a part of this and not the types to perpetuate this.

The gist is human labor is slowed and worsened for a collection of worthless buggy tech and nonexistent products and services.

I kept incriminating myself as a lousy scientist in this. You know why? Because I am a lousy scientist and it is not to impress you with my humility etc. YOU CANNOT NEGOTIATE AROUND REALITY.

I took and take my lumps and so can I. And don’t bullshit to me about these trashy “studies”.

I will finish my write up coldly and deliberately and log off for a long time. I don’t want to push it with EarlG and elad, who I am grateful to for being trustworthy enough to engage with.

I can’t do this anymore. Fortunately no one I really care about is anything but skeptical about this shit and that is why I care about them.

Edit: There is exactly one exception to this since this is about informed consent. There was one male scientist I met at my last job in this super annoying and awful lab. He was the only person I met in that place, who like Yasha Levine, had some genuine natural talent and instinct for these sciences that was at all legitimate. But that is a strict one off and these creepy and local or online knockoffs can suck it. That is a one off, because he wasn’t stupid and corrupt like all the rest. Everything else, especially locally is pure misconduct and malpractice.

The most important part of this for future records is that I am (as formally as one can in this medium), recording that I will unambiguously file allegations of: 1) medical malpractice and scientific misconduct in human subject research for at least the period from Sept 2011- the present and going forward against a) my former employer/the Hospital there/Google; b) the city and the state at the time; c) every hospital, tech company (Tata for one/SBI card) or other institution in India that exploited my home/devices and me in this period; d) criminal harassment allegations against all the humans who used my street between 2021-the present/going forward and any accessories/bystanders/data scientists and researchers; e) my present city/state/anyone involved at the centre.

If my alma mater and first postdoctoral school were involved, with the exception of my mentors/a colleague at the NIH (who is nothing like this and like my mentors not at all this creepy, exploitative type of scammer), at the very least they should be rebuked for such graceless, greedy and above all..this is the part that grates on me the most..brainless behavior.

No one seriously believes that you are motivated by safety and health concerns about addiction/mental illness, when you classlessly jump into bed with data miners, ai companies, sleazy and parasitic mobs/swarms/vacant internet sleuths (this is not democritization of a goddamn thing - these people have no self awareness and no life. I used to have a life. Hell is these people.)

I apologize for this next part as it sounds ott. Though it was true. I will be alleging that, I was stalked, bullied, extorted and harassed using the narcotics war and kept out of the loop for refusing to cooperate with this exploitative race to the bottom immigration strategy that treats the NIH postdoc like slave labor and sweatshop work. It was and is psychological torture and a serious human rights violation and theft.
I never had any mental issue that was not directly caused by this breathtakingly stupid enterprise.

It is different that I have a type of fennel weed like mercurial resilience (which I discovered thanks to this daft shit! I hate victimhood. Otoh these people are punishingly stupid. I have wished for Steve Chu or Yan Lecun..I can probably even survive evil. These guys are not evil. They are really stupid).

I have had to reinvent myself as Ol’jfz9580m in some sort of reaction since it seems to mirror the Ol’Orlick level of brainpower that must be the norm in this astonishingly stupid crew.

I imagine them as a combination of two of the most repellant characters in “Great Expectations” -Ms.Joe and Ol’Orlick, but somehow also sleazy, creepy, tacky, cloying and nauseating, which in fairness no one could say about Ms Joe/Ol’ Orlick, who were better than these guys.

I do not have a not absurd or not mocking reaction to these dunderheads. The script that they launched requires a woman to be this annoying cliche in response to these mindnumbingly stupid people.

Like see..kayfabe works when a sleazebag joins this choreographed (and daft) thing and except mockery, after finally exiting this hellish headspace yesterday, I don’t have a serious response to this totally self-serving, creepy and sleazy dance. You really disgraced yourselves.

And worst of all I reflexively used these dumb internet grievance scripts when my main grievance is that all these people are really stupid and apparently no one informed them of this glaringly obvious fact. And they might need that info to at least work out who to and how to sell these totally lame scams.

I am very grateful to my medical mj co and small pharmacy for having been the only truly useful help. I will be alleging that these methods are horrifyingly stupid and should be nominated for the Ignobel before being defunded and taken to the police etc.

It should be considered especially vile when moral abominations like mass incarceration and the failed drug war are exploited anew by these shady and unscrupulous groups to pitch this criminal trash as “prison reform”, “mental healthcare”, a metaphoric “vaccine”, “traffic studies” etc. The information must nit

As of this date I have not yet formally escalated it to criminal malpractice and criminal misconduct, but I don’t rule it out.

The sheer exploitative, sexist and above all stupid (this is the part that gives me hope) nature of it kills brain cells.

MysI am still formulating a response for real. I kind of recovered in stages. And well it is a very unfortunately unpleasant conflict, but it is not personal. But almost all these guys are a genuine threat to the public and shockingly masquerading as responsible.

This is why rather than an ever larger jury and etc of these fucking idiots (man the cloying rot I was regurgitating outside of my life decoupled from these scammy, corrupt brainless guys..)

I don’t get offended easily. But this was offensively stupid.

The following people are exempt from complaints I file: My last mentor/lab/the pd counselor/my external shrink and therapist/ the first and last families I rented space from and, this one male scientist (who whatever his shortcomings, was not stupid at all and in this crowd of dimwits that stands out..as stupidity is what I will always remember. It is not even a very competent scam. It is a cliche they put no thought into. Instead of the nightmarishly stupid cs and google crowd, ask Steve Chu to say with a straight face that these creeps care about health and that their mapping, music and traffic studies are not depressingly daft..I would wager half my savings he would agree it is stupid and scammy. These are daft people.)