Religion

MineralMan

(147,578 posts) Mon Oct 15, 2018, 01:40 PM Oct 2018

My New Myth about the Origin of the Universe

The entity humans call God was breezing along one day in the infinite expanse of undefined existence when it spotted this round, red ball, just floating nearby. Ever curious, the entity examined it and noticed a string or something coming out of one side of the ball. The divine entity's gaze, of course, is a powerful, awesome gaze, and it actually ignited the string or whatever it was. Puzzled, the entity let go of the ball and started to leave.

Suddenly, there was a loud "BOOM!" and a cloud of ill-smelling smoke that expanded in size quickly could be seen.

"WTF?" the entity muttered. Then, it continued on its way, soon forgetting the big bang it had made.

The rest is history...

The moral of the story is: "Don't leave cherry bombs lying around. You never know what will happen if they go off."

12 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

My New Myth about the Origin of the Universe (Original Post) MineralMan Oct 2018 OP

Hello Daddy! Hello Mom! edhopper Oct 2018 #1

That's why rock 'n' roll is so bad for our children, you know. MineralMan Oct 2018 #2

Hello, daddy. Hello, mom. LakeSuperiorView Oct 2018 #9

Lmao....thought of this exact song as well! Docreed2003 Oct 2018 #12

I'm sure that this could be true even though scripture... EarnestPutz Oct 2018 #3

Hmm...well...this happened before the universe existed, so MineralMan Oct 2018 #4

Yes. Yes I do see. Now it all becomes plain to me. EarnestPutz Oct 2018 #7

You've heard of "string theory," right? MineralMan Oct 2018 #8

Now you've made me laugh out loud.... EarnestPutz Oct 2018 #10

The metaphysical equivalent of not pulling out in time. Act_of_Reparation Oct 2018 #5

Well, one myth's as good as another. MineralMan Oct 2018 #6

Not bad.. Permanut Oct 2018 #11

edhopper

(34,813 posts)

1. Hello Daddy! Hello Mom!

Reply to MineralMan (Original post)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 01:45 PM

Oct 2018

MineralMan

(147,578 posts)

2. That's why rock 'n' roll is so bad for our children, you know.

Reply to edhopper (Reply #1)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 01:53 PM

Oct 2018

Hmph!

LakeSuperiorView

(1,533 posts)

9. Hello, daddy. Hello, mom.

Reply to MineralMan (Reply #2)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:59 PM

Oct 2018

I'm your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!

Docreed2003

(17,805 posts)

12. Lmao....thought of this exact song as well!

Reply to edhopper (Reply #1)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 04:06 PM

Oct 2018

EarnestPutz

(2,588 posts)

3. I'm sure that this could be true even though scripture...

Reply to MineralMan (Original post)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:12 PM

Oct 2018

...does not explain how The Flying Spaghetti Monster
(blessed be his noodly goodness) didn't recognize the
cherry bomb as one of his own creations.

MineralMan

(147,578 posts)

4. Hmm...well...this happened before the universe existed, so

Reply to EarnestPutz (Reply #3)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:16 PM

Oct 2018

there were lots of things just lying around. Nobody knows how they got there, see. Not even the entities that were around back in those pre-universal days. All this happened, you know, before existence existed. It's a freaking mystery, see? It's all a mystery.

EarnestPutz

(2,588 posts)

7. Yes. Yes I do see. Now it all becomes plain to me.

Reply to MineralMan (Reply #4)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:46 PM

Oct 2018

It's like a light has appeared to illuminate the truth. Pre-universal
cherry bombs and pasta were just lying around. Thank you Mineral Man.

MineralMan

(147,578 posts)

8. You've heard of "string theory," right?

Reply to EarnestPutz (Reply #7)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:50 PM

Oct 2018

Well it was pasta all along. Vermicelli, Spaghetti, that sort of thing. Looked just like string, see. And the cherry bombs? Well they look like little tomatoes, right. It all makes sense if you look at it that way, sort of.

Makes as much sense as any other creation myth, anyhow.

EarnestPutz

(2,588 posts)

10. Now you've made me laugh out loud....

Reply to MineralMan (Reply #8)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 03:03 PM

Oct 2018

....which FSM tells us is a sacrament. Thank you.

Act_of_Reparation

(9,116 posts)

5. The metaphysical equivalent of not pulling out in time.

Reply to MineralMan (Original post)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:22 PM

Oct 2018

God unwittingly creates the universe. God denies responsibility and runs away to Canada so he doesn't have to pay child support.

We're supposed to worship that, apparently.

MineralMan

(147,578 posts)

6. Well, one myth's as good as another.

Reply to Act_of_Reparation (Reply #5)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 02:26 PM

Oct 2018

At least mine is simple. Except maybe for the existence of whatever place where the entity found the cherry bomb. And then, there's the cherry bomb, itself. Where did that come from? But, all creation myths have that kind of issue. Where was that Old Testament deity standing when he spoke the universe into existence? It's always an issue with creation stories.

So, mine's as good as any, I think.

Permanut

(6,639 posts)

11. Not bad..

Reply to MineralMan (Original post)

Mon Oct 15, 2018, 03:26 PM

Oct 2018

but I personally prefer the one reported by Stephen Hawking in an undated lecture from the Hawking website,

http://www.hawking.org.uk/the-origin-of-the-universe.html

To wit:

"According to the Boshongo people of central Africa, in the beginning, there was only darkness, water, and the great god Bumba. One day Bumba, in pain from a stomach ache, vomited up the sun. The sun dried up some of the water, leaving land. Still in pain, Bumba vomited up the moon, the stars, and then some animals. The leopard, the crocodile, the turtle, and finally, man."

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