This Believer's Choice: Spiritual Discipline versus Doctrinal Orthodoxy
I believe there exists a power, spiritual in nature, greater than my sensorium enables me to fully comprehend or even describe, and this Power I choose to call Divine.
The most interesting, important, and fulfilling aspect of my life is exploring the nature of this Power through every means I can employ, and consciously making myself into the image and expression of this Power as my understanding evolves.
I think that's about the only thing I, as a believer, have in common with those who profess various religious faiths: We all desire to express That Which is Divine in how we live, how we act, and the choices we make.
The differences begin where doctrinal orthodoxy stands.
I cannot believe that the Divine Source, as I understand a Power invested in a creation vast and complex beyond the ability of human comprehension, gives a rat's ass what I wear.
Or what I eat.
Or what words I use in my attempts to connect with Divinity.
Or even what I call it- Divinity, Power Greater, Presence, etc.
Or who I marry.
One of the hardest challenges for me over the years, as I've sought to explore the nature of the Divine, has been finding ways to integrate understanding of the Infinite into a finite awareness. It's all very well to say that the Divine is All, and All is Divine, etc., but acknowledging the infinity of the divine landscape still leaves me, as an individual believer with the question of just how much, and in which directions, I can map that landscape.
For me, the response to that challenge has come in the form of spiritual disciplines- self-imposed requirements and boundaries that reveal smaller areas of the landscape in greater detail. And, incidentally, act a bit like physical disciplines in terms of building skills and strengths.
Some of these disciplines have been part of my life for decades. Others have been embraced for a period, then discarded. I try to find new and deeper ways to map the divine landscape and expand my understanding on a regular basis.
I am not describing any of them. They work for me, or not. It's an individual thing. A personal thing between me and the divine Source of my being. Some of them would look quite orthodox to a person who professes one or another religious doctrine.
But I don't practice those disciplines because of any doctrine, nor yet because I believe the Power Greater than my comprehension "wants" me to practice them.
I practice them because they increase my sense of connection with the Divine, and/or they help me express That Which is Divine in my own life. No other reason or purpose. And only I, and my awareness of, and love for, the Power Greater that moves me, can judge the success of my efforts.
This is frustrating. There is no human spiritual authority that can validate my efforts, and sometimes I wish there was.
Sometimes I wish the Divine came with an instruction manual, and all I need to do is follow it.
But my understanding is that there are as many instruction manuals as there are believers who share my striving towards Divine expression, and while some parts of every other instruction manual may illuminate my quest, none of them is "my" instruction manual. I, and my Divine Source, have the lifelong task of compiling my own, by every means we can.
Which means study of, and borrowings from, others' manuals, including testing of what does and doesn't work in each one examined, in the context of my understanding and my circumstances in connection with That Which is divine. And the embrace of various practices of spiritual discipline. And the constant review of what we've already compiled, with constant amendments, reworkings, and glosses.
It's not easy.
And I'm not very good at it.
In fact, I'm pretty lousy at it.
But that awareness helps me understand the choice of believers who embrace doctrinal orthodoxy. It's a bit like addiction treatment and successful recovery-- some things seem to work pretty well for many if not most of those who aspire thereto, and that may be enough.
Me, I keep trying.
In the faith that whether at some point the "I" who is me here and now ever gets to step back and see a bigger part of the Divine Landscape or not, it's still worth doing.
And in the certainty that I am not alone.
contemplatively,
Bright
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