I've had 2 seriously bad, nearly fatal, falls in my life: the first when a horse got tangled in a jump and fell on top of me; the second when somebody doubled Algiers' grain and he went crazy, flipped and then rolled on top of me. The first ended my serious jumping; nothing but small cross rails and logs. The second nearly ended my riding altogether. I was too badly injured in both to get right back on. In the second fall, with Algiers, I sprained my knee badly when I jumped free but when he rolled onto me he fractured my sternum right where the collar bone connects and I had deep tissue bruises from strained ligaments, tendons and muscles in my thighs that surfaced months later. I have been dealing with the deep fears that resulted ever since. Nearly a decade later, the horrific and realistic fall scene from the movie Seabiscuit unexpectedly set off a panic attack at the theater, leaving me gripping the seat, gasping and sobbing.

Fast forward to me now, starting a young, unbroken and powerful mare in an open field, alone, older, breakable, out of shape and out of practice. Yikes. Anyway, I had roughly planned out spending August working on walk, with the big goal of walking around the arena and all around the pasture. September was trot, with the big goal of doing serpentines in the arena. October would be canter month. And then down for the winter, unless an Indian summer gave us extra riding time. I wasn't tied to the goals. They were just there to give me something to work toward.

August and September fell right into place, with only one change in "plan" when windy days gave us a "spooky" week, forcing me to choose between giving up or dealing with it. I chose to deal with it, albeit ready to bail at any sign of serious broncing. And in doing so, I regained some trust in my ability to ride out a spook and a lot of trust that Dahli wouldn't do anything I couldn't ride out. I chalked the windy week up to Saturn giving me relationship things to work on .

October has not gone according to plan, and again it appears that Saturn has different plans. First, weather and my work schedule have set us back a week. On our first October ride, Dahli unexpectedly at the trot started to come "on the aids," that is travel in the lovely rounded carriage that is the hallmark of a dressage horse. She had given glimpsed of it before at the walk, but they were glimpses and only in the sedate pace of the walk. Trot energy would set her into the high-headed arabian power trot, barely controllable and not coming through her back.

On our second October ride, Dahli started to come on the aids at the trot, and then suddenly overbent, with her nose pulling downward and in toward her chest. This is the position of a horse evading the aids and potentially preparing to buck or, with the path to the barn exerting a magnetic pull, to bolt. So although I was a little scared, I rode through it, first unsuccessfully lifting my hands up and forward to encourage her head back up and nose forward, and then finally regained some control by regressing to a leading rein to keep her from heading full tilt for the barn. Uh-oh.

Today was our third October ride. Again, Dahli started to come on the aids at the trot, and then suddenly overbent and pulled her nose downward and into her chest. I repeated my semi-successful responses from ride two, to no avail. Each time we'd start trotting, everything would be going fine, and then evasion and off the aids with nose to chest.

And then I had an epiphany. She again dove with her head into her chest, acting like she was about to either buck or bolt. Instead of trying to get her to raise her head, I quit trying to control the situation or Dahli and LET GO, giving the reins forward and down, lightening the contact with the bit to nil and giving her total freedom to do what she wanted. Instead of bucking or bolting, or even racing off at too fast a trot, she suddenly slowed down to an easy working trot, stretched to reach a light contact with the bit, with her nose ahead of the vertical again in perfect training level carriage.

This is the 2nd time I've "envisioned" certain progress with Dahli, only to have her present me with the vision. First I imagined riding her in correct carriage, and then I imagined her stretching to reach the bit when I lengthened the reins. We are bonding now, I think, the way Algiers and I were bonded, sending images to each other

After our ride, back at the barn, after I'd untacked her and fed her carrot treats, while I ran the soft brush over her face, she lifted her nose and laid her head on my shoulder, against my neck, half nuzzling and half itching her face gently against me.

Dahli seems to know what's best for her ... and you, and is communicating that. After the falls you've experienced it takes great courage to let go and trust again. Kudos MT.

very profoundly in the last 24 hrs., that I might actually be getting the "letting go" part of what you mean.

I am grateful, so grateful on your guidance on this, just like everyone here.

I feel like I pushed through a lot today, and as a result. I wrote some poetry for the first time in a while, so the creativity is back!

Question: Do you also suppose that SinS might also mean having the guts to see

one's gifts to the world, not just the limitations in one's life?

Having the guts to really GIVE what you are??

Twenty-five years ago, when I was a teenager, I gave up acting because one director told me I didn't have the looks for Hollywood (not interesting enough; not gorgeous enough) and I thought I couldn't sing, so Broadway was out. I decided if I pursued acting, I would end up as a waitress -- something I didn't want to be. Mix in a 20-year marriage to a paranoid control freak and poof! goodbye dream.

Well, I am acting again. I've gotten every part I've auditioned for and even won a best supporting actress award for gasp! a musical (yes, I sang). I started last year, but it's just now that I've gotten the courage to leave my little comfortable theatre group and go elsewhere (and send out my resume to other theatres and some TV producers). I have even branched out into doing accents (something I was super terrified to do). In fact, my current role is a Dutch psychic.

Perhaps the world doesn't need another actor, but I love it and the stage is where I feel real and unafraid and I completely lose myself in my character. (It takes me an hour after rehearsal to talk without the accent.) My daughter has the bug as well, so we've been in 4 shows together, which makes it even more fun!

Anyway, it's what I feel I was born to do.

Thanks for sharing your.... SELF!

and much of that is coming from Neptune/Chiron

of the soulwork of Neptune and Chiron today. Yes indeed.