Starself January Astrology Newsletter - Relationships: Compatible or Complementary?

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Relationships:
Compatibility or Complementary?

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I am asked so many times about Sun-sign compatibility. It’s understandable. First, almost everyone identifies entirely with their Sun-sign, which sometimes only represents a small percentage of “you.” No kidding. People show an intense interest in pairing themselves up with other signs and they look to astrology for assistance. Much of this newsletter is birthed from a previous newsletter that you may find very informative. It talks about “what is your ability to have a relationship in the first place.” That newsletter is from 4 or 5 months ago and can be accessed here: http://www.starself.com/newsletter77.html

The science of determining whether another person is a good match for you is very complex. A single individual’s chart is very difficult to “read.” Therefore, it is mandatory before I talk about the difference between two charts that are “compatible” vs. “complimentary”, some things must be addressed.

It’s very simple; after having compared thousands of charts. Yes, many of us are very lonely, even many of us who have been paired for decades. Perhaps I need not say that, but I must: we cannot look to another to fill our empty hole in our soul. Nuf said. I can’t tell you how many times clients that have significant amounts of emotional baggage continue to draw the same to them over and over. And then they ask me why.

There is no magic answer. I don’t believe ANY reader of any kind can tell you when “Mr. or Ms.” Right is coming through your front door. Many tell you what you want to hear, and believe me, the pressure from the client’s yearnings are very hard to resist. That is the number 1 job the reader must do, in my opinion, is to NOT tell a client what they think they want to hear. Our job is to help liberate the client’s inner self. If that entails a partner, fine…

Now that that is out of the way, let’s address compatibility. Thousands of “astrologers” are making a lot of cash taking advantage of over-simplified Sun-sign astrology to put the idea into your mind that one sign is better for you than another. While there can be some basic truth to these mathematical patterns, most of this is like saying “Fords look better next to Chevys, not Volkswagens”. That’s about it too. In basic astrology, the odd-numbered signs, which are called “masculine”, are Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius and Aquarius. They are not referred to “masculine” because they have more testosterone, however because in general, they are more out-going or extroverted as an overall set of archetypes.

On the other hand, the even-numbered signs, or “feminine” signs consist of Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn and Pisces. Their femininity is considered because as a rule, their basic archetypal natures are quieter, more introverted and contemplative.

In general, masculine signs should stick together and vice versa for the feminine group. But, this is A GROSS GENERALIZATION that many web sites and astro-books take advantage of resulting in twisted and great misunderstandings of this true science/art. Without considering many other complications, Aries generally do better with Leos and Sagittarians. This is because they are all fiery and their outbursts of spirit do not usually aggravate the other. Put an Aries with a sensitive feminine Cancer, and the Cancer may certainly feel “burnt” by being around the Arian fire.

Likewise, Capricorns can be very comfortable with Taurus (both Earth, even). Their relatively slow, steady approach to life doesn’t usually bore the other, but don’t insert a restless Gemini into the mix.

So, I think it’s rather easy to see how the odds should stick with the odds and the evens should stick with the evens. But, there’s a whole lot more to it.

I hear, “I’m a Virgo and I can’t stand being around Scorpios, why is that?” A deeper study into both people’s chart usually shows why. Remember, in your own chart, each of you have a Moon placement which generally describes your emotional needs. You have a Mercury, symbolizing how your mind works. You also have Venus and Mars placements which are often very descriptive of your sexual and artistic senses. So, when you consider the possible permutations and combination of 11 planets between two people, not even taking into account the powerfully driven outer planets, you can just about forget about going to a website to find out if you are compatible with another human being. Or even your dog. Scorpios and Virgos as a rule are the most critical of all the 12 signs: that’s why. And they’re both purist and perfectionistic; which can be great or labor-intensive.

An example: Let’s look at two people who have Sun-signs that are generally incompatible. #1 has Sun in Aries while #2 has Sun in Pisces. In almost every way, this is a less than perfect match. But, upon further investigation, we find they both have Moons in Cancer! This changes everything dramatically and tends to make the couple extremely comfortable (Moon) with each other. We might even look further and see the way #1 moves (Mars, or Yang energy) is in Leo while #2’s Venus is in Sagittarius! #2 is receptive (Venus, Yin) to #1’s outgoing, fun-loving nature. It goes on and on.

Another example: Let’s investigate a couple that should be compatible by Sun-sign. #1 is an Aquarian (masculine) is paired with #2 who is a Libran (masculine). As we look further, we see #1 has a Moon in Taurus making them very relaxed, stable and almost too stubborn. Let’s say our Libran has a Moon in Gemini. This often makes #2’s restless Geminian energies unnerving to #1’s great sense of stability. Because of their non-compatible Moons, in general, they won’t be comfy with each other’s basic nature.

So, as you can see, with just these few tiny examples, the art of assessing two people’s energies takes an expert astrologer to come up with a reasonable conclusion, if at all. The goal is NOT to say to a couple, “You two are compatible.” The goal is to give each a realistic view of themselves and top it off by sensitizing each to the other’s needs. You wouldn’t believe this, but maybe you would. For example, a Gemini woman will tell her Taurus husband, “I’m bored, I want to go down to the flea market and look around!” Commonly, his reaction will be, “Flea market! What the heck for? Wasting our money on junk!” But, when I get the two in my office and convince the Taurus that she needs to explore and he needs to stay put, they consistently will say, “OK, that makes sense.” They just won’t hear it from each other.

It must be said here that yes, you always want as much comfort as possible between Sun-signs, your most basic of natures. Beyond that, it cannot be stressed enough how important the placements of the Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars are. Let alone, these can be interrelating perfectly, but the outer planets such as Pluto and Uranus can upset the entire applecart, believe you me.

With compatibility, we find exactly that, two universal archetypal forces that get along like too good buddies.

With complimentary charts, we find person #1 has energies that #2 doesn’t have, and vice versa. It’s more of a trade-off. Let’s imagine a Virgo with very selective tastes. They often pair very well with Cancers. Even though the Virgo’s strong suit is not mushy emotions, it is for Cancer. Virgo loves to provide, Cancers love to be taken care of – therefore, the Cancer feels protected and Virgo is in its natural role of provider - a perfect and very common combination.

Other examples that are very common:

Aquarians are very loyal and make Cancers comfortable, because Cancer CAN’T STAND being abandoned. Cancers feel loved because of the steady, non-changing support that the extremely friendly Aquarian has, such as Oprah Winfrey.While Aquarians are usually somewhat emotionally cool or even distant, Cancers more than make up for the “missing qualities.” This shows you how COMPLEMENTARY energies can ultimately be less than favorable things to have. Why? Because the Aquarian may take all the family matters for granted and never address their real need to develop their own emotions, etc. We are all here to become whole, not just comfortable. With complimentary energies, there’s often a payoff. Why? Well, basically even though the other provide missing qualities, it can often come back to bite them.

For in this example: the Cancer can’t understand why the Aquarian needs so many friends outside of the family (which they desperately do) and the Aquarian may have a hard time satisfying the Cancerian’s need to limit everything to just family, like living in a safe bubble. The same bubble is restrictive to the free-spirited Aquarian. On the other hand, the Cancer needs to face their own need for independence. Here is a case of the most dependent sign with the most independent; there’s the rub. This is just an example. You can therefore see how an Astrologer’s job can often be complex and confusing. This is why my having 3 planets in Libra can really help me do the “on-the-other-hand” assessments.

Taurus and Cancer often pair up because the earthy Taurus wants physical security while the emotional Cancer needs emotional security.

An unusual pair, Scorpio men often end up with Gemini women. Incompatible in many ways, the two both have undying curiosity regarding each other. And the youthful sexiness of Gemini appeals heavily to the Scorpio’s sexual needs.

Virgos often pair with Scorpio. Scorpio trusts the open honesty of Virgo; and that’s saying a lot. Virgo admires the courage of Scorpio and any sign that doesn’t whine.

On and on it goes, an astrologer sees so many combinations, and they all ask, “Are we good for each other?” A difficult question to answer.

Person #1 might have a strongly emphasized Saturn, which will make that person very Capricornian (since Saturn rules Capricorn). Therefore, no matter what sign #1 is, their earthiness coming from practical Saturn makes them automatically appealing to any person’s chart that has a heavy preponderance towards practicality or earthiness, regardless of #2’s Sun-sign.

So, I hope you have been able to see that many of us mix because we have some compatible energies (chemistry). Others blend because we provide what the other lacks (complementary). It all comes into play. I urge you NOT to try to put too much weight upon things you have read about whose “good” or “bad” for you. Follow your heart, and you will never lose. Learning more and more about Astrology’s basic energy fields always helps, but there are plenty astrologers who know just enough to be dangerous. Carry a big salt-shaker on your person if you go for a consultation.

When a good astrologer does a counseling session for a couple, it can be very liberating and enlightening. Make sure you have a good feel for the astrologer. Does he or she have a hidden agenda? Love’s nature is to unite. Some of us in fact do appeal to each other while others repel. This goes for jobs too, and living in certain countries, etc. All “things” have a natal chart.

Most successful relationships that I have seen have a nice blend of:
1. Compatibility
2. Complementary energies
3. Tension; some unfortunately call these bad aspects (without tension, interest wanes)
4. Mystery (karma)

In my opinion, God has sent you to each other so that you can trigger and aid the other person with each other’s next spiritual lessons. That’s what it’s all about.

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To access the entire newsletter, go to: http://www.starself.com/newsletter82.html