what a waste of emotion. You have a nice life and you're still living it. You came to the honest conclusion that you don't have time to pander to her bad moods. Sending light and love for emotional healing and a hearty dose of atta girl for standing up for yourself. Peace.

Congratulations on expressing yourself so well--that must have felt really good. I have never been good at verbal comebacks, better at writing responses--long after--people say crap to me, because I always freeze up while it's happening. I'm getting better at it

The amazing thing is, if it were a stranger saying this stuff to you, it is easier to let it go, but when it is from a relative or loved one, they know you so well and know just how to assert their barbs so it hurts more---I am so sorry you are going through this Magical Thyme.

I've had to tell people that what they were doing was verbal abuse, and if they wanted to have a relationship with me that this has to stop or they will not see or hear from me. You do not have to put up with it.

Sometimes things get all bottled up because a person doesn't tell someone the truth and tries to be accommodating until it comes pouring out. There's nothing to be done about it, we can only take so much.

Be easy on yourself, maybe you have given your sister something to think about such as can the real love for another human being, a sibling, in the here and now be more important than abstract religious opinion (made up by humans)? That is a question that she should take a look at IMO, hopefully she will.

Prayers for you, Magical. You took all you could, it sounds like.

often it's because I don't want to say anything hurtful, so I'm trying to be diplomatic.

I didn't want to yell at her "you've been home for 25 years" because part of that is *my* sibling jealousy. Not that I normally feel it, but when I am so exhausted from being the breadwinner and the caretaker, I do.

And I am exhausted. School left me fried. And left me underemployed to be followed by unemployed. And I'm too exhausted to even think about looking for work. After 12 years of rejection, I no longer trust or believe there is a place for me in our current society. Wherever I've found work, I've been sabotaged by co-workers and dumped as soon as the going got tough.

I'm scared. She's scared. I admit it. She doesn't. That's the crux of our difference.

I had hoped we could get along enough that I could live with them temporarily, work nearby and contribute to their mortgage and taxes. No. Way. She is welcome to her beliefs. But she has no right to order me to give up mine, with threats.

it hurts, doesn't it?

I am sorry she treats you this way.

love also means sometimes not accepting the bullshit anymore, too.

Toxic people are everywhere. Some of them are biologically related to us. We're still entitled to protect ourselves from them.

It wasn't just the words, which were laughable. It was the threatening tone. Totally out of the blue. I know she is sick, but enough is enough.

I am relieved she is out of my life. I let her back in when she was supposedly dying, but even then it was quite a chore. One of the first things she said to me was "Get rid of that horse!" in the same tone but weaker from the chemo.

If a stranger said that to me, it would be laughable, but in that tone it becomes very unsettling.

And I remember when she called me up the day after I learned of John's death, just ahead of a week of final exams, and she barely got condolences out of her mouth before pissing on 2 hours of my time ranting and raving about tea-party b.s. while I begged her to let me go study. Since the cancer has been in remission she has been impossible.

Enough!

What we focus on, increases. Namaste, dear child...

She was trying to push your buttons.

And finally mashed the right one (as they say around here.)

I would just say no more contact for the sake of your own mental health.

Wish the best to people like her... and move on away. Sometimes they get it (or get out of it) and you can find a way to relate to her.

If not, don't get hurt trying.

For now, think about how lucky you are and all the possibilities for your own little place.

She can't take what you don't give her. Keep your dreams and find some even bigger ones and let her go be dealt with by the universe...

- It gets better......

I had started to apply to Lightworkers some time back....I think when I was still in school. But confronted with the application, felt overwhelmed and overtired and didn't. I lost the link back when my hard drive died.

Guess it's the perfect time for their site to find its way to me


It dawned on me this morning that I actually initiated the contact with my sister. It is quite true, of course, that all we have to do is think about people or things.

I had been looking at my options, back even before everything blew up at work, and one of them was to get a job close to my sister and move in temporarily. This was something she had offered back when I was in school. I still have the search list for MLT jobs in her state, from about 2 weeks ago. Then came the crappy word at work 10 days ago. And then days after that I felt her thinking about me, with her anger energy fritzing around the perimeter of my aura. I avoided her phone calls because I could feel her anger energy; instead I spent some time on craigslist looking at the cheapest properties I could find in my own state, and discovered that if I can just sell this place I can still downsize and restructure. I decided I'd better just get the call over with.

Heh! I advertised my place on craigs list yesterday late afternoon. I got my first response last night. Believe it or not, I'm *hoping* to attract a "flipper," but the slow type. The absolutely nicest and most decent contact I'd had on my home last year was from a slow flipper. He was straight-shooting honest. He lives in the houses as he fixes them up, and then re-sells and buys a new place. He needed to sell the place where he was living before he could buy again, and the last thing he told me was that if he got any calls on his place that fit mine, he would forward them on. It was the kind of thing that I would do and have told people. We were both in the same trap...and we knew it.

I know from direct, personal, hands-on experience that, as much as some people in DU despise "flippers," slow flippers provide a real and valuable service. It is hard, hard work and it costs a lot to do anything more than the most cosmetic repairs. They are earning any income.

So I advertised at my higher price, but that I fell behind on maintenance while in school, so am very negotiable while I start tackling the projects. The sooner you buy, the more negotiable I am. I got my first contact on my house last night. It may be a flipper, but they are looking for either land contract or owner financing. I'm not keen on it, but it may be my only way forward at this point. If the banks won't loan, then we have to loan to each other...