to have met your twin flame. Thank you for sharing what it is like, it sounds so magical! The way you communicate reminds me of how twins often have their special language and can be psychic with each other.

I am pretty sure I have met soul mates--and people I seem to have known from past lives (we recognized each other right away...) yet I am not sure about twin flames. I think it is really rare to find yours--but I wonder if it's even possible to have met a twin flame and not know it.

I think that meeting and recognizing other soul family members - whether they're your twin flame or simply other leaves and branches on your higher tree of life - has a lot to do with the agreements you made with them before you both came here to school. Sometimes the lesson you're studying is one you need to come to "naked and alone" so to speak - so you don't meet anyone from "over there". Sometimes the agreement is to provide a challenge or even an obstruction or in the other's life, so the soulmate encounter is perceived as something negative. In other places and times the lesson on the blackboard is about the value of connection and intimacy, and they show up in droves to help out.

There's a lot that's mysterious about twin flamehood. There is no doubt in my mind that the relationship exists - too many people in history have shown that, from Odysseus and Penelope to Pierre and Marie Curie. But does everyone have a TF in this lifetime? Can a soul be arbitrarily split into twin flames by the higher Self, in order to provide that particular experience? If twin flamehood is common, do twin flames tend to incarnate in the same place and time - or at least close enough to meet? Or might they go their separate ways in space and time, learning their own sets of lessons and meeting up only rarely for particular purposes?

Of course the whole notion of soul families may be a purely psychological invention. If it is, it's one of the more useful ones. Just holding the belief can prompt you to open up to others, in the hopes of recognizing another family member. I find that when I open up to someone as though they are part of my higher Family, it may give them the freedom or courage to open up to me in return. As a result a new, close relationship is formed. With every such connection, the world becomes a better place. In the end, the "truth" may matter far less than our ability to behave as though it's true.

I'm tempted to say the same thing about twin flames, except that my experience has been so extraordinary that I'm inclined to grant the concept a lot of validity. After all, I've gone through my whole life from the age of about four treating every new partner as though they might be my TF, opening up and granting them access as well as I could at the time. If the phenomenon was purely psychological, something similar to this should have happened in all those decades. It didn't, until now. This event is both qualitatively and quantitatively different from anything I've ever experienced.

On the other hand, if Kath and I hadn't connected, the lessons I learned from the search would have made it worthwhile anyway. Learning about opening, vulnerability, surrender, service and the nature of love is good groundwork for any kind of fulfilled life, no matter who does or doesn't appear in it. That goes double for getting one's spiritual house in order. If the miracle does occur, it's good to have done all your homework in preparation.

In fact, it may be essential to have done your homework in order for it to be able to happen at all. When I look back on my spiritual journey just before we re-connected, there is a real sense that I was rushing to meet a deadline. I went from a standing start (a deep depression and no spiritual outlook whatsoever) to being just barely ready enough in three years, and I worked my guts out doing it. I never really questioned at the time why I was working so hard, but looking back on it I can see that if I'd slacked off even a bit, as is my usual tendency, I wouldn't have been ready and the whole thing would have crashed and burned.

It's as if our Oversoul had set up the circumstances for the meeting to happen on that particular morning, and then said something like, "OK, fella, you are so out of time. If you really want this, you have to stop messing around and do the work. Now." And for once in my life, I listened.

This subject is something I feel I know nothing about. Most of my relationships haven't been the most ideal, but a few of them, make me wonder about the soul-mate factor. Also,sometimes a soul-mate can be a non romantic partner, right?

Yes, in fact most of the time members of your soul family will show up in non-romantic roles - they can become close friends, or even essential enemies.

Even twin flames can assume decidedly unromantic aspects. We all like to think of twin flames as showing up in clouds of golden-amber ooey-gooey love, but it ain't necessarily so. If you're not ready when they show up it can be, um, difficult. That's probably why Kath and I didn't "stick" when we first met in the 1970s - neither of us was ready, so we separated before the relationship got poisoned by circumstance.

Most of our relationships are probably with people who have little connection to our soul family, which may be one of the reasons they can seem sub-optimal. On the other hand, you generally can't tell if they are or not unless you treat them as if they might be. That approach carries its own emotional price tag when they're not, though - which is most of the time.

you've suggested, how is it possible to really know if someone is a soul mate truly designed for just you or are they maybe just someone you get along famously with?..

or maybe it is someone who always makes sure the lesson is learned(such as the abrasiveness of potential enemies, or people that always want to make sure you know the truth about yourself..) I've had a couple of those...

We can't even tell if the concept is "real" in the way we usually use that word.

That's what makes the dance of Lila so much fun - we get to choreograph our own moves, through our beliefs and behaviour. What we believe about other people is what creates their meaning for us.

For example, I've had a series of partners who kept me apart from my twin flame for 30 years, and took most my money in the process. Which is the more productive belief - that they were self-centered, gold-digging bi***es who took advantage of my naivete and generosity, or that they were members of my soul family who had pre-existing agreements with Kath and me to make sure we didn't re-unite until we were spiritually ready, and to make sure that we couldn't avoid learning the hard lessons we came here for by buying our way around them? We've chosen door #2, not because it's more real, but because it's more useful to us on our path.