2 best books: Grace Walk and Beyond an Angry God - Steve McVey.
These books have confirmed what I was being taught covertly. I must admit I recently became personal friends with Steve who spends some time in my area. This is a guy who is always progressing with understanding which is what I don't find very often. The main thing that has become clear to me is that the churches are mostly poisoned by religion. The beginning of religion happened when Eve believed she could become like God by doing something. That is the core of religion ...doing something to earn favour, position and acceptance. You can not mix Grace and law. I hear ministers that I talk with say ...yea Grace but you still have to obey and follow the law. I always ask well then what do you think "My burden is easy and My yoke is light: means? You were free before you believed and could do anything you wanted ...even risk prison if you wished to be a criminal. Now that you believe you must follow biblical laws and rules ...and "you must change". If you don't change then you are not a real believer will be the attacked. Call me a Grace Rebel because I am rebelling against your typical Christian doctrines and theology. The only theology I accept is the trinitarian. Understanding Grace as little as I do has made me free. I now understand that God is not angry with me regardless of my sins or faults. I accept that He does not even see the bad in me. That has and is washed away because I was rescued by Jesus Christ. That is what God does ...He rescues man kind. The law will never do that but only condemn. I hope very much that others discover what was given to me. Eph 2:8 You are saved by Grace through faith (the faith "of" Jesus Christ) and not that of your own doing, it is the gift of God.
I am posting this because I have spent many years in many churches and given up a few times too, read the bible many times and was taught in in school. Nothing has ever confirmed and caused such a great change in my understanding as these 2 books. I challenge you to at least read Grace Walk ...maybe that is something you can DO but it's not what you DO ...it will be what gets done to you.
PS: The Shack is another great book.