Like she'll say "God forgive me for saying this, and god I forbid you to do anything to her, but that woman smells like dirty feet. I don't know why and god forgive me for saying this, and I forbid god for doing anything to her, but i really wish she'd wear closed-toe shoes."

it makes no sense. Like God was going to strike her dead and was like "Whoops...nevermind, Margaret just forbid me to do anything....."

but #4 immediately reminded me that I'm banned from the prayer circle (a.k.a. "The Casino&quot .

just like your prayers!

I went with what I saw as the most superficial, because if I'm god, why the hell not?

Don't fuck with me. I'm god, dammit!

You can mess this hair up if you wanna mess this hair up

if I'd wanted you to have lettuce green fingernails, you'd have been born with them.

So there.

I'm the god of "whatever you guys wanna do is fine with me" and "yeah, Chinese is fine, Mexican, pizza...or we can just eat here. whatever y'all wanna do, I'm okay with that.", so I'm waiting on everyone else to vote before I do.

I was really GOD. I was joking then. THEN.

snrk

Thanks, Frogmarch, for being an awesome god. Unlike these other schleps who only care about the posting status of their friends.

YOU WIN YOUR OWN UNIVERSE :raah:

I am humbled.

No, wait, I am GOD! I am awesome!

that's pretty cool. Is the kind of song they always show on the KTel "Greatest God Songs" greatest hits album BY THE ORIGINAL ARTISTS

I couldn't get past all that noodling on the piano....

.... country women dressing so much like Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke.


But speaking of K-Tel commercials.....

When I was growing up, I thought this was like documentary filmmaking

I never realized Hee Haw had such high production values..... seriously.

Nah.... we were the Country Club set. Couldn't be caught watching Hee Haw..... even tho' my parents loved it. Our household was more like the Hubards and the Giddens in "The Little Foxes".....with more football and alcoholism.

but trashier

"Satan's River," Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton.

Best Dolly Parton quote ever, in an old interview with Rolling Stone magazine: "If I ever had a cherry, it got shoved so far back I could use it for a tail-light."

Since I just re-located to the South, I discovered the RFD cable channel. It runs those old Porter Wagoner shows. I recently caught one with Dolly Parton's first TV appearance ever. Singing her first hit "Dumb Blonde."

Which reminds me of another great Parton quote. Interviewer: "Does it bother you when people call you a dumb blonde?" Parton: "No. I'm not a blonde."


https://m.

Sure looks like Ray Comfort.

I think I'm liking this god gig.

This is a hugh crises

let us pray

[font style="font-family:'Georgia','Baskerville Old Face','Helvetica',fantasy;" size=4 color=teal]I am omnipotent and omniscient, I know your petitions before you even make them and if I was going to grant it I already would have done that.

Obviously I don't give a shit.[/font]

Then...yeah. Okay then. :0

....even tho' he hadn't a clue as to what Adam and Eve were up to until it was too late.

It has Laser Focus Omnipotence. Anything anywhere but only one focus at any moment As we all know prayers expire from moment to moment. That's how God works. It explains why miracles are so pathetic: poor shot selection.

...at least it might shut you up and give me 10 minutes of peace from your whining, you ungrateful, undeserving, insignificant specks.

Otherwise, I'd likely smite you verses answer another pitiful request to save Jimmy from that well.

Ingrates, all ya all.

Put a cover on that damn well, and GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

and that's why I don't believe in god, but I sure enjoyed this thread.

I raised two boys, both are now over 6 feet tall. When their four teenage 6 foot + friends would show up there wasn't much food left. Don't get me wrong they were all very nice and polite but they can put away the food.

I mean, I'm all about The Plan, The Plan, The Plan -- No Random.

But if they do, they'll get punished.

Not really true or my first choice, but it was the funniest.

...while posting their prayers on the internet.

And then, only maybe.

as god my followers need to understand that not all prayers get answered, in fact most of their prayers will get zero response. It will create confusion about my master plan for my creations requiring them to accept poor outcomes while retaining faith there is a master plan for their lives.

The reality of course is that there is no plan, as god I have a lot of godly projects underway and the trifles of day to day living hardly ever interfere with my larger plans for the remainder of the heavens.

They are everywhere in Seattle. It is an onslaught of flags, stickers, streamers, banners, posters, advertisements, merchandise, and an exhibit at the EMP. During game season, a lot of the fans range from mildly annoying to bordering on harassment. These people have another religion as well. I'd argue many worship it even more than their professed belief.

So, if I was God, I reward my most sincere followers. But I'm a kind and loving God; since I am the entire universe, I figure any worship to anything is basically worship to me--benefit of the doubt, right? The details are off, but then again, no one's really quite managed to explain my existence anyways.

This is why I tend to reward narcissists and sociopaths in the world. They worship themselves. But these guys go hard...you should see the tailgaiters. I grant them their request.

We're on a mission from god.