Even those who believe in an afterlife miss the living person.

It's actually a bit offensive, in my opinion, to go into any detail about your personal vision of the afterlife if you know the person doesn't share that vision

condolences at their loss. Atheists experience the pain of loss on the death of a loved one the same as any human.

I am a bit stunned by the question.

at the passing of a loved one. I feel it is good to be aware of what is considered acceptable with something unfamiliar to avoid any inadvertent offense.

Even the strongest of believers cannot help but feel the loss of a loved one. It is only human.

My idea is not to proselytize but to be respectful and not give any offense.

loss will suffice.

My older sister passed away three weeks ago. She'd been in declining health so it wasn't a complete shock. When I got around to posting it on my FB page, I was very touched by the number of people who made such a comment. I happen to have a very firm belief in an afterlife, but she's not here on this planet any more, so I miss her.

When you are speaking to people who share your beliefs, it's highly appropriate to bring those up.

it has been four years since I lost a family member and I still miss them daily

Even though we are strangers I appreciate that.

atheists, but I believe the is something beyond this life. Not heaven, but a different plane of existence that bonds us even tighter to the universe. (my humble opinion)

I'm sorry for your loss works for me.

The surviving person is an acquaintance so I am not familiar with what philosophy they may have. Keeping it simple seems the best way to express sympathy.

How are you doing? And then an active listener.

Listening is always good. How are you doing may be good follow up to voicing sympathy.

I also appreciated it when they said, "he will be missed"

Edited to add, I said 'he' because the most recent loss close to me was a 'he'.

the empty feeling of loss of a friend/loved one is something we will share.

I took your use of the pronoun in the generic sense. English really needs to add a widely accepted gender-neutral pronoun.

Offer to help or stop by and MEAN IT!
Take fresh food.
If you were close enough to the deceased... just let the mourners know that you loved him /her.

When my dad died, his cousin called me from England... when I started crying he said "I know, I loved him too". Such a simple sentence. Let me know how much he was appreciated, even by those from whom he had been separated by time and distance.

As the surviving person and I are not very close I will not over-promise but I also will never refuse a hand reaching for help.

of all sorts of other people, plants and fauna. And always will be.

This was what we read at my Mom's funeral:

“I thought the earth remembered me,
she took me back so tenderly,
arranging her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds.
I slept as never before, a stone on the river bed,
nothing between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated light as moths
among the branches of the perfect trees.
All night I heard the small kingdoms
breathing around me, the insects,
and the birds who do their work in the darkness.
All night I rose and fell, as if in water,
grappling with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.”


― Mary Oliver

http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/437994-i-thought-the-earth-remembered-me-she-took-me-back

I like that poem. I will have to add it to my collection

Last edited Tue May 2, 2017, 02:29 PM - Edit history (1)

prohibits me from using a personal crisis to present my own spiritual views unasked. IMO that is not helpful but opportunist and somewhat ghoulish. In some ways that is the reason for my question so I have guidelines to keep myself in check.
- I do realize there are many others who have no such qualms...

if simple common sense advice. Sometimes you can be so focused on the people you forget to notice the elephant and need some helpful people to point it out.

I have to admit I was a bit apprehensive coming to this group. IRL I have had Atheist friends and we have had very good discussions about our beliefs. Unfortunately time and distance has separated us.(tip: sometime, with a trusted person, have a debate but swap positions. Take the other person's position and argue that they are right. It can be enlightening)
Unfortunate online anonymity usually result in acrimonious exchanges between Atheists and believers. You all have been welcoming, respectful and helpful. I wish to acknowledge that and say it is very much appreciated.

Thank you all for the advice