everyone from my mom's generation is gone now

tonight i learned that her cousin passed away
i have not learned the wheres/whys etc. yet

i tried to get in touch a couple weeks ago & thought maybe she was visiting one of her kids. actually, i hoped that's what was happening. in my heart i feared the worst.

i am heartbroken

we called & talked once in awhile--shared stories about my mom--she missed my mom too. i saw her only a couple times since my mom passed, but i loved talking with her, i loved hearing "i was thinking about your mom the past couple of days," or "i was thinking about your mom so much today--everywhere i went reminded me of her," or "i was going through some sheet music and an envelope fell on the floor and when i picked it up i saw it was a card your mom sent me a few years back."

things like that.

in a way, we were connections to each other's past. she was a consolation to me, we'd share stories, we'd laugh. she has a wonderful laugh. i never told her i loved to hear her laugh.

and without a word of goodbye she is gone from me.

and i am so very sad.

i'm sure my mom was one of the many to greet her when she crossed over. i know it was difficult for her to be the last surviving person in her generation so i would bet it was a joyous occasion when she was reunited with friends and family from days gone by.

yet for now, for purely selfish reasons, i am heartbroken.