it's better/easier than it was

when it comes to dealing with my grief, my sadness

it's as if there is a part of me that has hardened, or resigned; a part that is so tired from the sadness, so exhausted, that i have -- finally -- become numb.

and that numbness carries over into my days, an indifference, an odd preoccupation or distraction, an inability to truly focus on so many things.

but today was one of those days when i forgot, momentarily, what was lost. those sacred moments have become so few & far between for me. they are so amazingly joyous--those precious few moments when i can actually believe that the person i have grieved for has not died; that her absence in my life is temporary and her return is imminent. (almost as if she has gone on vacation and is expected home very soon.)

today, for a few moments, my brain allowed me that bliss.