Bereavement

47of74

(18,470 posts) Thu Jan 26, 2012, 09:06 PM Jan 2012

I had a friend pass suddenly a couple weeks ago

I had a friend pass away suddenly a couple weeks ago. He had a massive heart attack which ended his life. He was 45 years old, just under 9 years older than me. He left a teenage son and a 10 year old daughter behind. That was the hardest part was seeing his kids at the wake and realizing just how young these kids were - the daughter in particular.

If any good has come of this it did prompt me to get my will done, make sure to have final arrangements in case the worse did happen, and to have my doctor give my ticker a good once over. She said my heart looks good, I'm moving in the right direction on weight, and cholesterol is good.

Is it wrong of me to feel that if God had given me a choice of taking either me or him I would've have gladly gone in my friend's place?

4 replies

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I had a friend pass suddenly a couple weeks ago (Original Post) 47of74 Jan 2012 OP

47of74 I'm so sorry for your loss. You ask, auntAgonist Jan 2012 #1

No ceveritt Jan 2012 #2

. orleans Jan 2012 #3

My sympathy to you and all who loved your friend livetohike Jan 2012 #4

auntAgonist

(17,257 posts)

1. 47of74 I'm so sorry for your loss. You ask,

Reply to 47of74 (Original post)

Thu Jan 26, 2012, 09:56 PM

Jan 2012

Is it wrong ...

Your feelings are real and they are yours. I think I've heard it called survivors guilt and we all experience it at one time or another when we lose someone close to us.

I remember the exact same feeling when a friend ( we were in our 20's with toddler children) was diagnosed with Leukemia. I became really depressed and felt that "God" was punishing a very good young christian mother. I never felt that I measured up to expectations and so I thought it should have been me and not her.

I realize now that even before she became ill I was suffering depression and not thinking straight. Had I been the one to die I'd have left behind a toddler just as she had.

Your heart is in the right place, thinking of your friend's children and feeling so bad for them. I think that's where the feeling of 'me instead of him' comes from.

I might be all wrong and forgive me for rambling on ...

I'm glad you're looking after yourself.

aA
kesha

ceveritt

(160 posts)

2. No

Reply to 47of74 (Original post)

Fri Jan 27, 2012, 12:01 AM

Jan 2012

No it is not wrong.

orleans

(34,832 posts)

3. .

Reply to 47of74 (Original post)

Fri Jan 27, 2012, 12:13 AM

Jan 2012

i'm wondering how close you are to the family and to the kids. depending on the situation, i think it would be great if they had you remain in their lives--to do things with, someone who was friends with their dad--could share nice or fun stories about their dad with them, hang out with them once in awhile.

sorry your friend passed on.

livetohike

(22,865 posts)

4. My sympathy to you and all who loved your friend

Reply to 47of74 (Original post)

Fri Jan 27, 2012, 09:26 AM

Jan 2012

Your thoughts are not wrong.....and I think it is a message from your friend for you to take care of yourself, as you are doing.

I hope you will think of all the good times you had with your friend and those memories will help to ease the shock of his sudden passing.

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